I TIRE OF THIS LIFE
When a simple life becomes so much more than that
a family that no longer feels like one
when cousins fight as much as their parents
is this what i came back to
is this what i have longed for.

Words dont seem to do justice as to what kind of day this has been
woke up to a banging at my door
felt real hung over
head splitting i cursed and swore when i saw what time it was
stepped out of my room to see an amazing sight
my brother was up before i was on a day that he didnt have to
"hurry mum called us to go to ah ma's house"
i went to bath and he shouted at me
i shouted at him too
told him that i had a class and ah ma would have wanted me to attend it anyway
so he went off
and i went to bath
took a cab to ah ma's house
reached there to a erie sight
the house was full
but there was no sound
the cold seeped into my bones
went into ah ma's room
mum said talk to her while she still can hear you
i kneeled there by her bed
looking at her
wondering if it were me could i take so much pain and still be there
i knew something was amiss
she was peaceful
too peaceful for a woman suffering so much pain
but that did not strike me as odd yet
closed my eyes to pray
when i opened them the doc was here
he took a look at ah ma
listened to her heart
and whispered something to my uncles
with that he left just the same way he left last night
i didnt think much of that too
the tension was too much for me
went out for a puff
noticed ah yee pasting red paper onto the sides of the gates
it was then that i knew....



AH MA .............. NI BIE DAN XIN
WO HUI HAO HAO ZOU REN DE
HAO HAO DI DU SHU
AH MA ZHAI JIAN

today was rather cool at first
did research at the NLB
went to Rudz house for project
we managed to get our project done
but only at the expense of RUL's project
SORRY LA MAK!!!!
i promise you that i'll cook you another meal!
(but only after you cook a meal for me lols)


Rina was GREAT! Cant believe it that she took least time
she finished it in about 10 to 20 mins.... and then she was off....
by the way she was the early clown today

Popo was quite funny... lots and lots of NGs...
i had to magnify the words till the font size was 72

Diah was really over the top...
everyday so thick skin but come to today.....
in front of camera skin suddenly so thin...

Chermin was not too bad...
her english is much clearer than mine...

Rudz was ever the show man....

Rul was really into it......
but she caused us to NG countless times...
THANKS AH MUMMY!!!!.....


Me i was fine ... i think... will upload the vid soon...


Went over to mama's place after that
got into an argument with my real mummy
spoilt my whole mood today
walked my ass back to tampines from changi
felt like fanny smacking a bangalah worker on the way
......
.....
....
...
..
.
FUCK LA CH** BY*

Toh Teng Chi Ki ANG ji KOW
sio DI chit TO sar LARK kow....

WA boh CHU wa BOH kao
jit nang tit tou sa LARK kow
wu nang mai zhor zhor ginna tao.....

Clowns invade Soul Garden!



POH POH n CHERMIN (Sick clown n shitz tsu clown)



FIRDAUS..... .... ..... (weird clown)




STEVEN (INDON CLOWN)


BIRTHDAY BOY ALAN (HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLOWN aka HAD A BAD DAY CLOWN)



ALAN AT PARAGON (WORKING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY GIFT)




Im telling you
today was really great!
fun and all
my class is great!
well not the whole class though...
just those that really gave a fuck about class unity


So this is who went....
STAR MUMMY CLOWN (RUL)
MACHO VIDEO MAN CLOWN (RUDZ)
NOISEY PHONE CLOWN (DIAH)
WEIRD CLOWN (FIRDAUS)
SICK CLOWN (POH POH)
SHITZ TSU CLOWN (CHERMIN)
SAMURAI X CLOWN (FUWEN)
INDON CLOWN (STEVEN)
NOT A CLOWN ( BENNY)

...NOT TO MENTION ...
LATE CLOWN (RINA) who was late again...

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT CLOWN OF ALL
THE VIC (Very important clown).......
BIRTHDAY CLOWN (ALAN)


Not all that did not come are at fault really
some really did have the heart ,
just not the time
and that is really understandable.
but for some others.....
what else can i say
just dont expect anything for your birthday
well perhaps ill just give u a stick of POKI chocolate biscuit
but thats all from me...
I have to say that the foreign students in my class
are really super great!
why did we all take so long to warm up to each other
although their accents sets them apart from us
they still care for us more than SOME PEOPLE
or rather should i say THAT PERSON
i wont name names la
but if YOU YES YOU are reading my blog
how do you know that its you?
dont be shameless la
why would i be writing about you,....
Why?
You admit that its your right?
sheesh.....
if no money dont act got money
make us all feel like beggers when we come to collect donations
rubbish....


ALAN ALAN ALAN
Hope that you really did have fun today
i know i did
I SO NEEDED this break from our studies
thanks for being so sporting today
if it were me i'd never put on the make up...
you still walked to paragon some more!
Talk about sporting sia!
Hope that this will show you how much we value you as a friend
so stop thinking that we dont like ya
Coz your a great guy...
and an awesome friend!

STARE INTO THE ABYSS TOO LONG
AND THE ABYSS STARES BACK AT YOU


I've spent too much of my life standing at the edge
of my own sanity, trying to look further that who i was
at that point of time.
Too much time trying to find myself from within the abyss
Never did manage to find myself though.
Guess thats why i fucked up so much.
Not just my own life
but the lives of others around me

They used to tell me that i would never amount to anything good
that i would never be well known for anything
but i guess i proved them wrong
them being the teachers that have hated me through the years..
and so i got back at them didnt i.
I became the talk of the town when i fucked up and left school
when i got myself into shady activities even for a young gang member
and yes finally when i got myself sent away....

I thought everything would be alright after i came out of prison
i thought i could make everything right again
but i cant
i can never make right whatever happened when i was within prison
no matter how hard i try

RELATIONSHIP is really rockey now
dont know how it got this way
really trying to do whats right and fair
but i end up fucking up so badly that it seems like all we ever do is fight
am i happy?
at times
i thought that i could change for her
but when it really comes down to it
there are somethings that just wont go away from me
i have said time and again that i hope that it is not only me to do the changing
though she really does make the effort
somehow we are still doing something wrong
IS IT SO PAINFUL TO BE WITH ME?
if that is so then i guess im a pain to live with
better i off myself than cause anyone else any greif
i find myslef hanging on to the threads of the relationship
and so is she
why is it that it has become threads?
what have we
no i done ?


i know im not a saint
heres the truth
i am......
" a ex convict (once a convict always a convict to some)
" a ex reformative trainie (which is as good as a convict anyway)
" a drug supervisee
" an ex addict
" crude
" untrustworthy (being an ex addict)
" NOT SMART
" NOT RICH
" NOT HOLY
" in need of anger management classes
" NOT A GOOD BOYFRIEND.....

the list could go on and on and on...........




I HAVE LOST MYSELF



WHERE IS THE DRIVE THAT I ONCE HAD



WHERE IS MY LUST FOR LIFE













WHERE IS MY SOUL
























I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND NO LONGER RECONIZE THE PERSON I SEE

STARE INTO THE ABYSS TOO LONG AND THE ABYSS STARE

STARE INTO THE ABYSS TOO LONG AND THE ABYSS STARE

Rul's birthday celebration totally rocked!
She's a great class rep...
and really deserved what came to her
well i mean she didnt deserve to run about on an
amazing race like trail
but that she deserved the gift of the phone
....
i have never had such a responsible class rep in my life
neither have i been as responsible as she has... LOLS
just ask my PP she'll tell you just how responsible i am
...
HINT HINT (psst i know the elections are over but i'm just being safe)
.....
almost the whole class turned up for her birthday bash...
almost all paid for the gift
those that didnt contribute
at least got her something special
but what was surprising was that all the foreigners contributed!
and even the newer students contributed!
people that were in no way close to her contributed...
which is more that i can say about.........
well
so much for being a rich bitch eh
no wonder u aint got any friends
miser you....
dont expect anything for your bday
if u dont give dont expect to receive
if you are jealouse of how come some people are treated better
then take a look at yourself and ask what are you doing wrong
SELFISH BITCH

Grandmummie is almost gone.
yet her children are in a war
a war against each other
not just any fucking war.
its like a mini fucking crusade here
the christian side of the family against everybody else
Everybody else includes me
wondering how that is?
To speak for the christian side of the family
i must admit it's a good thing to try to convert MAMA
but at her death bed ?
when she has just made peace with herself about the afterlife
now your telling her that her life on earth has been for nought?
that she has been following the wrong god?
and that unless she converts she'll go to hell?
YOU'D DO THAT TO YOUR OWN MOTHER?
YOU SHAME CHRISTIANITY!
ask anybody that i was close with in the past
i hated this about christians!
the superiour complex
that the world revolves around them
that the world was made for them
and if your not part of them
then your against them
THIS IS NOT A RACIST OR ANTI-CHRISTIAN POST
far from that.
Its a post that will shed some light on THOSE CHRISTIANS
THOSE CHRISTIANS are amongst us!
even within my family as i have just stated.
I was not born a christian
i accepted christ in prison
after much trials and tribulations in life
i was drawn to christianity for its purity
for its loving forgiveness
But in the past few days
i have seen some christians in my family really go over board
so much so that i am ashamed of what they do to my religion
so what if they may be older than me
so what if they are adults?
they still behave like kids!
does it take an adult to do something right?
can it be that only children or teen-adults are capable of wrong doing?
WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS
thats the time when you should have tried to convert MAMA
not now!
AT HER DEATHBED
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!
CHRISTIANS practice forgiveness understanding
you in your selfrightous valour
lashed out in anger when my mother said something about christianity
you know that she could not have meant it... being that i her son am a christian
and i think that insult was at YOU not at christianity
i tried to make peace with you for the sake of our family
but what did you do?
YOU USED MY MESSAGES TO TRY TO DRIVE A RIFT BETWEEN ME AND MY MOTHER!
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!
I DONT KNOW YOU ANYMORE!
I WILL NEVER CALL YOU AUNTY AGAIN
YOU DONT DESERVE MY LOVE MY RESPECT
AND YOU ARE BRINGING THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY DOWN

Free City
This is a shout out to every young brother
Doing his bid right now
Keep your head up
he's walking the yard wishing he has wings
Ya know fly right out of that joint
Yeah, man
(Chorus:)
If I could fly away Ew,
I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know,
hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle,
I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet,
but it's still the longest yard

Man it's the longest yard I ever had to get in my life
See my life ain't right and my right don't wright
My niggas can't eat if the fish don't bite
My razor grows hairs like Mike at night
My big brother all mighty,
I keep my ray I'm a G five G I take a G five deep to my G is deep
On Murphy and the G don't speak
Listen man we don't get down round hurr The body bag,
you found and gagged right hurr
It's as serious as the sound right hurr
The guards guard the ground, four pounds right hurr
They ain't playin, they just lettin ya know
That anything that will happen will happen real slow
That the word from upstairs till you in that hole I can't take it,
I'm just ready to go

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away Ew,
I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know,
hey that won't be easy
I fought through every battle,
I'd made it this far
I got a few more feet,
but it's still the longest yard Yeah,
yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard

I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)
I'm in my cell 20 hours a day
I'm doin push ups every hour a day
Cuz I'm tryin to keep the cowards away
That's why I'm markin off the calendar days
Tryin ta get it out of the way
And I'm just tryin ta keep a piece of mind
And I'll strike a muh Fucka with a piece of mine
Cus he tryin to take a piece of mine
So Ima slice his a ass one piece of the time
But not that they closed the door, lock me in
In a cell thirty deep, but it's built for ten
What kind of world they got you in,
with a barb wire fence that box you in
From now till they turn off the lights,
I'm a read every thing in sight
It's kind tryin of hard to read at night
But Ima change my life and help anotha brotha take this fight

If I could fly away Ew,
I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know,
hey that won't be easy I fought through every battle,
I'd made it this far I got a few more feet,
but it's still the longest yard Yeah, yeah it's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)

Oh no, I gotta make it out this place some how
Oh no, Man I really believe that I could turn it around
Oh no, You see all I need is that second chance to show
Since the incarceration my obligation to rehabilitation
Oh no, they can punch me high, they can kick me low Oh no,
Spit on me,
It's gonna take more than that for them to break my sould
I said oh no, man it's for people to understand
how it's like to be Jaded, incarcerated,
most can't take it
And I can't wait to see better days

(Chorus:)
If I could fly away Ew,
I wouldn't come back no more
I'd turn around just to see you for the last time
See know I know,
hey that won't be easy I fought through every battle,
I'd made it this far I got a few more feet,
but it's still the longest yard Yeah,
yeah it's still the longest yard Uh, uh,
It's still the longest yard
Uh, uh, it's still the longest yard
I fought through every battle I'd made it this far (this far)
If I could fly away If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away If I could, I'd turn around
If I could fly away