...........I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY............



FUCK THE YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT


i am an ex-convict
i dont deny that
i was imprisoned for drug related offenses
by that i mean i sold and i consumed them
i was arrested and sent to prison for 2 years plus....
i do regret my actions
i mean who wont?
i also regret being dumb enough to get caught.
i mean really. who doesnt ?
there is this saying.....
in singapore you can do anything you want
just dont get caught.
i got caught so there.
i am not proud of it.
who the fuck in his or her right mind would be proud of it?
i just dont hide the fact that i was imprisoned
talk about honesty.
i for one am not the most honest person in the world
you can ask my ex that
but i try to do the right things now and then
just like any normal person would
i do i honestly do
i also dont deny the fact that i was and am still a thug
not that you dont know
i mean if you are reading this then you must be close to me
and if your close to me
then its not a surprise to you
LET ME ASK YOU am i a bad guy?
NO REALLY AM I A BAD GUY?
sure i used to take drugs and fight
sure i had a choice not to
but thats all in the past right?
didnt i pay enough by doing my prison time?
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER QUESTION
have you ever committed a crime in your life?
LIKE DUH RIGHT
every sins now and then
its just a matter of getting caught or not!
like the good man JESUS once said
"LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN THROW THE FIRST ROCK"

SO PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME........

i am trying hard to change
to fit in
so are my brethren
dont make it any harder for us...
why is it that many return to being what they were
its because of society
you dont owe us anything
so we dont expect any help from you
we just want to be treated like humans
not like some kind of outcasts
dont drive us away
we have a right to this world as much as you do
you will never understand us
until someone close to you has become like us

can a GANGSTER have a good heart?
can a person who has not been to prison at all have a black heart?
its hard to say .....
really
i am human too....

my baby's good to me

ian's graduation today
wore a polo t to a shirt and tie event...
felt like a bloody odd ball out there
but then again thats the way it should be ma
i AM after all an ARTS student.....
so proud of my brother
all the troubles that we went through as kids
all the fights that we used to have
all the stupid arguments we had
all boil down to this day...
this day that he has done me proud
some may think that him getting a diploma before
me is kinda shameful to me
but i think not
i mean it is if you chose to think that way
but i dont
i feel that it is coz of the many mistakes that i have made in my life
all the stupid things that i have done
the drugs the gangs the bad attitude in school
has led him to chose the right path
this path that has driven him to do well
i am PROUD of him really i am
...........WELL DONE bro....




morning i went to this really rich lady's house
it was HUGE man
and the paintings that she had there were so mind blowing!
but only when viewed piece by piece
when seen together it seemed that they were rather mismatched
lol
rich folk
just wanna show off that they can buy art
so just buy whatever they can lay their hands on
rich what.... so they can just buy luh.....
....
hate these kinds of people....
i feel so so so....... pissed?
art is something to be appreciated
NOT SOMETHING TO BE FLAUNTED LIKE THAT! stupid rich fucks....

am i a bad guy...
prison and all.....

Dear mother you have really made me..........

Numb......

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

you dont know what your talking aboout...
you say that i do things badly?
well dont you think you do to?
bringing a guy back when he's still at home?
huh...
wtf right.
theres so many bloody problems that you dont know about
that u just assume never happened
you think i live a great happy life
fuck.
you know nuts about me
though your my mother
how much do you know about me huh
how much really do you know
im a stranger in your house now
just a stranger
...........
an unneeded stranger
i dont belong here
i know i dont belong here
emo my arse this is out right serious shit man
im not kidding im not being emo here
im a stranger in my own bloody house
maybe its not my house really
but yeah
this is not my home ..... its just a fucking house
4 walls and a roof over my head
thats all it will ever be.....
whats not here....
dont know dont fucking care any more.....

FULL FULL FULL FULL
thanks cher for the dinner.....

Work hard play hard.....
i fucking intend to ....
this is a killer week
my back aches
my FINGERS ache!!!!....
but today will make up for it all
meeting my "family" today....
Cher mei is going to get her fortune told...
the rest of us are just gonna tag along
perhaps after that we'll go for dinner....
cant wait...










Dear one you've been gone a long time now
the leaves settle on your ashes
the morning dew damps your tomb
like the tears that fell the day you left me
from my eyes
like the feeling of forever dusk
never reaching the dawn
the darkness has faded
but not the fear
the feeling of not having you around
inside me there grows a strange confidence
could it be you inside giving me faith?
my heart it warms at this thought
a smile on my face corrects the frown
my steps steady from my stumble
now everything will be fine
in my life of eternal dawn........

read a blog lately
quite interesting
very similiar to my life....
wonder how it turns out
am i the bad guy
some people seem to think not
well what i can say is that it takes 2 hands to clap
whats over is over
time to move on and be happy
cryin is no use pointless
......
life is important...
live it to the fullest
........
FREEDOM is worth everything
freedom of heart freedom of mind...

THE THING ABOUT BENGS



Who are you i ask
who are you really?
I always direct this question to the younger generation of bengs
i mean who ARE they really?
where were they when the street fights were frequent
where the heros of yester-years were fighting for their lives and reps?
i mean im no hero of that sort
but i know enough to tell you that true thugs dont do the things that young thugs do now
when you enter a S.S there are rules that you have to follow
respect that you have to give
rules like never sleep with your brother's wife
or betray not those who are with you and against you
but is seems like these values are no longer needed in the new generation
we the past have become nothing more than a formality
i grew up old school.
i guess thats why im feeling so blue about this now
but now that i look at what the gang has become.
i no longer want a part of it....

a taste of it as we walked by the river
a smell so captivating it stole my breath away
a sight so lovely that it took my heart
oh what it must be
can not ye tell just by sight
can ye not guess what runs through minds
what must be said about it is that it is good
something that is free must be freely returned
like a bad story turned good
or a good movie turned better
the taste of it just leaves me lusting for more
time is time
as time will always be time
never enough as we crave for more of it
just simple things that we hope will last for eternity
time is as time will ever always be
never enough for us to grasps
never enough for hearts to bond
though the best is made use of
it still never is enough
never does it seem to be
enough

BTW life is great.....
lol

Spent a bomb on the class chalet
and so few turned up
one even had the audacity to say that she was not interested????
oh please luh we just asked you for the sake of asking only....being polite you know......BITCH.....
who do you think you are?> FERGIE or something??? oh puh----lease......
if she is the dutchess then you're her stools(shit) or perhaps not even there...
come on to say that u are a bitch degrades bitches!!!!! so i take that back.....