GEEKS GET THE GIRLS!

It never seizes to amaze me in the movies a geeky guy can get the girl
hell
had i known better
i'd never stop being a geek!
the geekier the guy the prettier the girl...
should i shed this though exterior?
HAHA
Not a bloody chance

Well i've got a great girl now
so does that make me a geek?
Well......
if looks and the way she treats me is anything to go by
Im singapore's most geeky guy
hmmmmm think i like it this way


AUTOBOTS TAKE COVER!
Just not on the double yellow line.....

AUTOBOTS ROLL OUT!

Eh...... optimus..... i cant
wheel clamp!
Can spare me $100?

AUTOBOTS TRANSFORM!

can i have that N93 instead?

AUTOBOTS MOVE OUT!

Just dont speed... speeding minus points you see


AUTOBOTS chose a human to guard
just not christoper lee......
Hit and runs are punishable by prison time....
and they're either very straight forward ....
or very sticky...
with blood that is


TRANSFORMERS..........
ME POH RUDZ AND CHLO

late night movie
after chillin at this cosy pub near bugis junction...(parco)

late nights are becoming me
or rather im transforming into an owl....

okokok so sue me.... not funny i know
cant blame a man for trying right....

Couldnt sleep so im up to write this crap....
damn....
need to play majong with master sleep....
lol
PONG!

I always knew RINA wanted to be a fairy or something like that
this pic justifies what i have always told her....... SHES BONKERS!
just for your info this was taken on POH's birthday
NA just took POH's costume prop and waved it around the whole night
going "let there be a car" while pointing at a car
and "let there be an escalator" at an escalator.....
not that i doubt your magical abilities NA but for petes sakes
next time you want to be impressive
magic up a working one......


muahhhhhhhhh nooooonahhhhhh
nueeeeeeeeiisssss niissshhhhhhh mooooooah nissssshhhnearrrrrrrrrrrr
*translation for muahz language into simple english "this is my sister"
car and her weird photos and weirder language.....




Ah yes my baby and her best friend......

What is a blog for?
its some place to go to bitch about your day
some place where by you can just write anything and everything
that you are feeling at the very instant that you are typing
its a way of immortalizing your feelings at that moment
be it sad or bad happy or well happier
thats what a blog is for
for me i use it mostly for getting a load off my chest
letting out all the pent up frustrations of life
thats what my blog is for
i am not normally this dark a person
i mean from most of my posts you can derive that i have this
habit of viewing the word from a darker perspective
but really i am not always like that
i mean i hope that i am not always like that
usually i am a fun loving person
i like all the other stuff that any ordinary person would like
well maybe not all the other stuff
but what i mean to say is that i am as human as any one out there
.......
just ask my "family"
hardly a day goes by where i dont crack a joke pull a stupid lame arse stunt
i would say that i enjoy my life
but i was not always like this
lets just say that i never had a life that i could enjoy before


Honestly i have to say
time spent in prison did really change me
it broke the chains that i had placed upon myself
prison broke my addiction to drugs
something that i could never do on my own on the outside world
addiction like this is not broken easily let me tell you
to change one must first want that change
prison gave me that want
that desire to move on with my life
sure i was loaded when i dealt in drugs
but i did not have the sanity to spend the cash the way i would enjoy it
the money i made was recycled back into my addiction

often when i was high
i would just think about the chance of a normal life that i had missed
at times i would get depressed
depressed that i would never live a normal life ever again
because of my addiction to drugs
sometimes i would break down and cry on my own
wondering when this cruse would just take me
i longed and lusted for a normal life
school
homework
relationship
work
but i never was able to have them
due to my addiction and also a few other mistakes that i made

now almost 3 years since my arrest
i find myself in school
learning living and enjoying every moment of it
i have friends who encourage me to live my life
sure i still frequent hots spots
i do drink and smoke
but drugs?
you've gotta be crazy man
i dont do them no more
even if it were offered to me
i still would not even think of taking it
i have so much to live for now

i am a proud person
but funnily i have never ever had a reason to be proud

until now
I am finally doing something that i can be proud of!
i am studying! and loving it too!
wonders of wonders!

nights are like that for me
i close my eyes and the past just flashes by
reminding me of the mistakes the miss-steps
the consequences and the punishments
sometimes i feel tired
tired that i have taken so long to grow up
sometimes i am weary of this path i have chosen
but i look back at who i was who i now am and what i have accomplished
and i feel contented
contented that i did not end up dying
drowning in my own vomit in a gutter somewhere
or brain dead from an enemy attack or an over-dose of drugs by my own hand
it is then that i realize that all this did not happen by chance or rather by the lack of luck
but by the hand
the hand of god....

THAT GIRL




Everybody knows when I step in the club
Girls see me and they wanna show me love
I got my chain on with my shades on
Rockin designer shoes and I sold a million
So many girls but theres one that caught my eye
Pretty lady so fine she blew my mind oh my
Cuz shes the one for me

-Chorus - Frankie J & (Mannie Fresh)-
I've been around the world, and seen so many girls
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(She got a bill and a face like a supermodel)
(And her body built just like a coke bottle)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it snap!)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it bring it back!)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl

I think she knows that im tryin to get at her
I'ma go ahead and try to put in work
What's your name, what's your number, can I hit you up
If you digging what I'm sayin let me know what's up
So baby let me know if I can take you home (take you home)
I just wanna be somewhere where we're alone alone
Cuz you're the one for me


I've been around the world (around the world), and seen so many girls (so many girls)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(She got a bill and a face like a supermodel)
(And her body built just like a coke bottle)
But none can compare (none can compare) cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl (shes that girl)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it snap!)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it bring it back!)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl

DECISION MAKING

Times can change a person
i know it
i have seen it happen time and time again
today was on the phone with poh
she really worries about me and the stuff im going through
i know i cant make much of my life
except try to live it the best that i can everyday
and well that just what i wanna say
living in the shadows was cool for awhile
for a teenager on the brink of adulthood
overdosed on re-runs of young and dangerous
and techno beats
living the life of a thug has had its ups
but mostly downs
and many many fond and also repulsive memories
but that is enough
time to move onwards
onwards and upwards to a newer ground

A few weeks ago i was at wisma food junction with poh
her sis and her cousin
there i met by accident a really old friend of mine
his name i shall not reveal
but we all called him xiao boy/ah bei
and he was one of the guys i looked up to
in those dark days
i remember following him to fights|
staging ambushes with him
and yes even a leader's meeting
i'd say that he had the brains of a master commander
keeping his troops happy and united
but this is perhaps another story for another time to reminisce

that day that i saw him at wisma he said to me

"how benny? you changed already not? dont continue to fuck up your life la learn from it"
i guess this is really what i find surprising
amongst us all i least expected him to be the one saying this to me!


But my heart is set in stone already
i want out....
my baby loves me
i dont wanna let her down

THE ONE WHERE I REMEMBER






Times are hard now
a friend called me today and well we chatted about the good old days
days that seem to have vanished already

he offered me a position

something for me to think about
well i did not right out reject his offer
but i said i would consider it


times are changing
i think i should too

my baby's good to me
thats all i need to know

MUM : you are sick and the room is so bloody cold
son : but the air con is already at 27 degrees
mum : dont lie to me you just adjusted the control to 27, 27 degrees is not this cold!

ya .... i woke up in the morning just specially to adjust the control to piss the fuck out of you

then ....

mum : you think i dont know the night i came back from indonesia your girlfriend was hiding in the room with you
son : she was not! why do you always have to bring this conversation up? you tell me she cant stay so i told her that she cant
stay
mum : you are the one who brought this topic up!



OKOK i admit that i did say somethings that pissed her off alot
but what i say is real


1 she makes me so numb
2 she makes me hate myself
3 she really hates me
4 everything i do is wrong to her
5 she changes topic like water
6 she brought a man back and in front of my dad called him darling
7 she makes me feel like slitting my wrist
8 i dont feel like coming home at night
9 when i look out of my window i feel like jumping
10 she says i hurt her with my words, when she hurts me more
11 she doesnt know what she says but when she says it she is always right



my mother is satan reborn
if my brother sees this post he will hate me but thats what it is really
i came out of prison with a hope of a better life
i am leading this life
i dont take drugs but its as if i am taking them
i feel like prison life is so much better
i dont have to care about all these shit



shit la i dont know what the hell i am writing
i really dont already
she wants to teach me about handling relationships
when she herself cant handle a simple relationship
she just uses people
when she is done with the person she just throws them away
this is well known in the interior furnishings industry
i really cannot take her anymore


i dont know if i will be able to study next term or not at the rate things are going
this maybe my last post .......
i just find it pointless already
how can the world accept a person who's mother cant even accept him?
im just so depressed
she says spending money on me and ian is not worth the while
perhaps it is
this is my promise
if i do get an education from her
i shall pay her back cent for cent
but that is as far as it goes



i know i have not been giving her alot of things








but i guess she is right i am a failure at life
i guess she is right i am a good for nothing son







SO THROW ME THE FUCK OUT COZ FROM THIS DAY FORTH I WILL NOT CARE

Spent the day with Baby today
.........
slept from evening right through till 1230 midnight

Bao bao had to cab back to bugis

.....

i have been reduced to being a Pillow
bolster and blanket.......

MSS YA BABE!



My BRO is BACK!!!! SAWADIIIIIIII
my 3 sisters are back too!!!!!!!

welcome back!!!!

SAAAAWWWWWWDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE ONE WHERE I SCREAM AT MYSELF







I cant seem to stop going to the water holes of the rich and snotty these few days
thanks to working with my father
i have managed to develop this sense of loathing
loathing of these people
these people who claim to be the masters
well not with their lips
but rather with their upper class higher up rubbish attitudes
like the fact that i have a lower pay
or that i am dressed in rags rather then draped in LV from head to toe




I SEETH!

SO what do ya think???????

Need i say more?

VOICE OF COLORS



thanks to my dearest sis CHLO-RIS i now have a name for my company
so now i have something to market it on!
Voice Of Colors will be making its debut soon check it out on my blog
as soon as i finish my portfolio and get my frontpage software
i will get my webpage up and running.
my current portfolio is now on deviant art... if you wanna check it out it is linked on my blog
or you can just go straight to it .... www.benljr.deviantart.com

HER



I love the was she walks
just seems to float on by
drifting on her feet
graceful
grace like
beauty undefined
by words as coarse as mine
sweet as nectar
make me flush
like sweet wine
drunk on her
her voice lifts me up
her touch sends me to heaven
her scent
ah yes
her seductive scent
leaves me hungry for more
just one taste of her is never enough
even till im drunk on her
its never enough

i love the way her hair falls over her face
framing such angelic features
the was her eyes smile even before her lips do
how her sadness and tears find their way to my heart
i love the way she cradles my arm
clutching to me tightly
and yet gently
a lovers embrace
the way she looks deep into me
pushing my demons aside
the way she sees and accepts who i am
and not who she thinks i should be

her arm in mine i can slay the world
or at least everything thats bad
my heart in hers
i feel safe
never to be hurt again.....

never ever to hurt either.....

HER its HER she's all i ever need.....

SANCTUARY






Some guys get all the bloody luck
see this image came from SENTOSA'S AMARA HOTEL
i was just there today with pops doing some delivery work.
Its my second or third time there already and let me tell you
its every interior design and architecture's student's wet dream
Honestly i got a proverbial hard on when i saw the way the place was built
old school colonial houses built into the gentle hills
mixed with contemporary furnishings .....
this is what all homes should be like

They have different themes for their accommodations
but i found the courtyard and villa suites most appealing
the picture i took was from one of their villa suites
when you walk into the villa the first thing you will see is the pool
which takes center stage
the living room is on the right hand side
the bed room on the left
behind the bed room is an open air shower and bath facility
the loo is in another room within the bed room
the 2 rooms are fully air-conditioned
the beauty of this place is the privacy!
just imagine what 2 can do with a pool in the middle of the night
or even in midday!
no more uneven tans! no more tan lines!
but there is one slight catch.....
one night costs about 1.2 k
even at a discounted rate it's 750 to 950.....
bummber.....
check it out @

www.amarasanctuary.com


anyone wanna pool money together?

SHACKLES

Forget what they told you about prison movies
i find them inspiring
this movie shackles is about a place not unfamiliar to me
a little something like rtc combined with kbc
a youth prison school
but what is the more important thing about this movie
is that it shows how people can change people
how people can inspire
what more it promotes the message that convicts
can and want to change

I guess thats how i am
i really relate to the guys in the film
filled with a rage
an anger that seethes within
not knowing the reason for the rage
a burning desire to cause mental hurt to one's self
i also relate to being in the same pit as they are
one that they long to climb out
one that often they cannot find a way out of
not that they dont want to
but often they are forced to stay there
by the people around them
society treats us different
hell
even our closest will treat us different
strange how they try to "help" us with their words
words that hurt
thick with distrust and a slight tinge of loathing
its words like these that push us over the edge
and back into our histories
......
so love us or hate us
help us or leave us
.........
whatever it is just dont despise us
dont judge
we try
not all of us get by
but we try...
we are humans too....




CATCH SHACKLES...

itsTHE BOMB

NA NAis a great gal!
thanks to her i got this beautiful new skin!
POH and her have been bugging me for ages to change
my deathly looking skin
so yeah .... ive changed it
well technically not me but nana


TODAY MR RUDDY WAS FEELING DOWN
went out with him
and the gang

i dont understand how CAN HE NOT GET IN TO FILM
is the bloody administrator for film BLOODY BLIND?
i mean he is so darn dedicated to FILM that he makes my
skin curl and itch!
RUDZ is the one most singular person (other than cher)
who damn well deserves to get into this course
why is lasalle so unfair ?
the rest (from my point of view) (excluding cher)
do not have the maturity or the ability to
undertake this educational level
they also dont really have the experience that he holds
so why the HOO HA is RUDDY MY BRO not getting in
should this be a foot ball match i'd hang the REFF
but this is not so i will settle on hanging the teacher (kidding kidding)

OH well hope today we managed to cheer him up a bit



CHANGES
went to have my fortune told on sunday
well how should i put this
there was nothing mildly positive in what she told me at all
i mean had she not been reading my fortune, you'd think
she was cursing me!
. gonna get into accident while crossing the road whilst talking on the phone
( i now keep my phone while crossing / walking alongside the road)
. im too prideful for my own good
( i have stopped saying my catch phrase "ren pa cher hai shi cher pa ren?) (cars should fear people)
. i am an anger crazy time bomb coz of pride
( have tried to stop being angry) (finding the reason why im always angry)
. i am possessed by something ..... coz i drink smoke eat beef
( have cut down on smoking , have yet to drink since portsdown..... and have totally stopped consuming beef)

am i being too superstitious?
oh she also said i was too head strong
now this one is something that i am trying to work on......
hopefully.....

POH'S BIRTHDAY @ CASH STUDIOS











HEY HEY HEY HEY
WE'RE BACK!!!!!!

I really missed this place
it was where we chilled during those murderous weeks leading
to submission day....

so its kinda cool to be celebrating POH'S birthday here
we had a cake and all
treasure hunting for something right in front of her nose
well actually she already guessed or suspected where the present was
but with me mis-leading her do you think she could have found it
any faster than she would have with me?
any way
ruddy and i got our fair share of pinches and bites
i guess thats a norm when out with the family

its really great to see how close we are to each other
even our lost child NANA returned to us
but of course luh
its her bebe's birthday
how dare she not come....
lol
nana i dont mean that i love u still
lol
and baby you look like a geisha in the pics......

ANOTHER MORNING POST


> SEVENTEEN:
> YOU LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE
> CONSTANTLY
(i know this is kinda stalkerish but i do it time to time....
Must post comments and testimonials for my baby mah)

>
> SIXTEEN:
> WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE
> AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL
> MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO
> MINUTES AGO.
( this is so true.... i can miss her even before she puts down the phone)


>
> FIFTEEN:
> YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND
> OVER AGAIN.
(erm.... i save them,,,,, well not all of them but a few ....does that count?)


>
> FOURTEEN:
> YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH
> THEM
(i walk like super slowly ,,,, but the cab just came out of no where.... so fast
so i had to walk back to rul's place .......myself........ sob sob)



>
>
> THIRTEEN:
> YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE
> AROUND.
(erm...... reserved?????)

>
>
> ELEVEN:
> WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART
> BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME
> TIME

(mine beats like a techno track.........)


>
> TEN:
> YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.
( i smile when i think of her voice)


>
>
> NINE:
>
> WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE
> THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU
> SEE IS HIM//HER.
(yeah.... i almost banged into a lamp post once.... almost stepped onto a dog...
almost banged into my friend..... ect)


>
> EIGHT:
> YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS,
> WHILE
> THINKING OF THEM
(ha i do this every night)

>
>
> SEVEN:
> THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.
(well........... kinda)


>
> SIX:
> YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.
( OMG THIS IS LIKE SO BLOODY TRUE)


>
> FIVE:
>
> YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS
SMILING
> TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT
THEM.
( dont know really i dont spend my time in front of a mirror all the time)


>
>
> FOUR:
> YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR
> ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.
(im willing to cab there and cab back every day should my wallet allow it)

>
>
>
> THREE:
>
> WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE
> PERSON
> ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...
(damn right she was........ thinking of her right this instant)


>
>
>
> TWO:
> You were so busy thinking about that
> person, you didnt notice number
twelve
> was missing
( shit! was it...... let me check....)



>
>
> ONE:
>
> You just scrolled up to check & are
now
> silently laughing at yourself.
( i am not silently laughing at myself.....
im cursing the stupid fella who cheated my like this)

>

MORNING TEST

IN view of my blog becoming more and more dead i shall just do as nana does
just do some quizzes

here goes

Don't cheat.
It's pretty good.
Write your answers underneath the
question.
The answers are at the bottom, BUT
dont cheat.
Then repost this for others to answer.


1.Your favorite color out of: red,
black, green, blue, yellow?
- BLACK!!!!!!!!
but im not emo

2. Your first initial?
-it depends on which name u wanna call me?
L for Low jian rui my full name
J for Jianrui
B for ben
P for Pui leng
L for Lengs
and of course
R for Rain

3. What month were you born in?
- MAY
REMEMBER I WILL BE EXPECTING PRESENTS

4. Which color do you like more, black
or white?
- BLACK
but im still NOT emo

5. Name one of your friends?
- POHLIN
sorry hor........ haha can only think of her all the time

6. Your favorite number?
- hahahahahahhaha do u need to ask?
369

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
- Flying
i love to fly..... hint hint (poh must kiss me more......*grinz*)

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean
more?
- ocean
more fish to catch more food to eat

9. Think of a wish, but don't write it.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
weird den how to show others what i wished for?

Answers
1. If you choose:
Red- You are alert and your life is
full of love.

Black - You are conservative and
aggressive.
(me??????? conservative????????since when??????)

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you
are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love
kisses and affection from the ones you
love and give good advice to those who
are down.
Yellow - You are a very happy person..


2. If you're initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and
friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the
maximum & your love life is soon to
blossom.
(hmmmmm this looks more true than the previous 2)


S-Z You like to help others and your
future love life looks very good.


3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well
for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally
unexpected.




April-June: You will have a strong
love relationship that will last
forever.
(YEAHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)



July-Sept: You will have a great year
and will experience a major life-
changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will be great,
and eventually you will find your soul
mate.


4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a
different direction, it will seem hard
at the time but will be the best thing
for you, and you will be glad for the
change.
(OMG.......... hardship again????? its hard already......)



White: You will have a friend who
completely confides in you and would
do anything for you, but you may not
realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.
(best friend girlfriend future **** lol u get the drift.......)

6. This is how many true friends you
have in your lifetime.
(369 friends????? i think i already maxed out the number .... gotta check my hp later)



7. If you choose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.
( theres nothing laid back in driving is all i can say)


8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends
and your lover and yourself are very
reserved and not emotional.


Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to
please people but have many emotions
( i love to please people? hmmmmm how so? i love to please her.......)



9. This wish will come true only if
you repost this
"Emotion Test. Don't Cheat"
( this is a funny post......... well my wish was for world peace...... no really luh!!!!!!)

THE ONE WITH THE MAD LADY


RINA i could just kill you luh!

Went over to na's place coz she cooked for us
pasta....... dont worry no cheeze today
no vomit either
slacked there till quite late
considering the fact that we reached around 6 plus too
anyway
went to have prata after we left nana's place

met that woman
didnt notice her at first
nana said that she was behind us
preaching?
i mean really luh na
just coz u go to church every sat and sun
dont mean that every time a woman talks to
random starngers she is preaching
lol

then came the thing that na is well known for
the laughter
she laughed and giggled and laughed and well u get the point
until the lady got pissed
she bloody shouted at us
me that is
she directed her anger at me
or at least i think it was me
thanks nana
lol
it was so fun really
getting shouted at for no reason at all



I LOVE POHPOH