SACRIFICIAL LAMB


For you they would move the earth the mountains the seas and the skies
for me they'd not as much as whisper their tears beneath their smiles
to you they're worth more than metal silver and gold
to me they're nothing but rust on decomposed iron ore
the world is never enough for the apple
but what of the thorn
is it not part of the plant
forgotten forlorn
forever seeking the light that it lost
uncomprehending the situation its in
aimlessly drifting winding its way
envious of the fruit
oh how people marvel at its sweetness its beauty
when they hardly ever noticed the thorn

I sing these lines of woe upon my soul
heart to hand tears to eyes
my sadness my songs
i compose the melody that is my life


I gave you everything that i could get
i was instructed to GIVE everything to you
YOU get EVERYTHING and i get none
CARE CONCERN
you seem to have a position over me
everything is about youYOU YOOU YOU
your decisions carry weight mine is just air
your needs and wants over shadow mine
SEEMS to be your the child and im the crow
perhaps its always been this way
just that i could never see it

Once only the womb treated u this way
now it seems that both are equally the same in views
seems like i am the odd one out in this alr broken family
cut the tree at its roots
i care not
i shall leave
depend and love only those who care and love for me
goodbye

THE FUCKING GREATER VIEW

Needless to say ive been shit busy
schools almost out for this semester but still another 3 more to go before this years out
school works been though but im confident i'll have everything done and ready for
submission by the end of project week
work well works been fun fun fun fun....
made a truck load of friends here
both fellow part timers and full timers as well as the customers as well
never knew i could click so well with people that i hardly know
well we live and we learn dont we?

Home has been really funny lately
mum dont trust me with my life and sad to say i dont blame her
ive never been trust worthy of anything before
what can i say
i was a bloody druggie man
half the time i didnt even trust myself
hopefully i can pull this act together in time for the final show
only that will count
and soon i will be worthy of trust respect and hopefully so admiration too....
i dont long for glory of the top
i long for acceptance.....

Ian just went into army yesterday
there was such a great big hype about him going into the army
mum fussed dad fussed
everyone made a big thing of it.
cash went to him from mum and dad without him asking
as well as when he asked for it
about a hundred of that went to his new army specs......
and another hundred and fifty to 200 went to cooking salmon something
for his friends....
i remember my army day very well
mum gave me 10 dad 20
mum said goodbye at my door.... room door
dad was FORCED by mum to go....



a few years later....
they were both rushing to go with my brother to camp
they both WANTED TO GO
dad had limited cash......
these few days the worlds been rather hard on him...
but still he gave him 150 first then another 100 plus took him
for a nice dinner on sunday.

skip a few years back...
i spent the day before i went into camp alone
no friends no family
it was christmas 2001
can you believe it?

these few days mum only spoke to me about ian and his preparations
she took him to his mindef interviews
a few years ago she threw me at the enterance of depot road
and told me to make my way back home after i was done.

i was 17 and he is now 20
big difference?

And they still say there is no favouritism in our family
fuck them man

I sold the sofa
ian sat at home
i carried the heavy stuff
i understood when i had to make my way home
i mean its not that they dont do things for me
they do but after ive done something for them first
but with my brother......
all he has to do is just ask and it will be given


i was asked to stop schooling today
on account that i am working part time
and that she says that i have not been showing the right attitude to my work
granted i have been having problems
but these are what i am trying to work around
i need the work because what if all of a sudden she turns around and tells me
that i have to support myself
she's capable of that you know

my phone bill is late
ive not paid it again
my line is semi suspended
i got problems beyond what you can imagine
my dark side is coming out again
just this morning as i was walking to my bus stop
i looked at the higher flats in my housing estate and
thought to myself
wouldnt it be nice if i could just go up
and throw myself down
it'd put a nice end to this sad sad family life
then only perhaps then will they be able to miss me
or even see that i in my own weird way
am worthy of their respect and love like ian is
he is younger but it seems like i will always live in his shadow
perhaps the only way is to let my death over shadow him
then only will they wish that they had
treasured me
or perhaps i am the one in the wrong
perhaps i am over reacting....
then end it for me please

Burning dustbins and all that shit




















I guess some people are just born stupid. That or they grew to be stupid mother fuckers.
I came home last night around 1am to the sight of something out of the ordinary.
I saw this burning red thing next to the letter boxes at my flat's lift lobby. At first i attributed it to the 7 month thing . some lazy buggers burnt offerings there or something to please the many roaming ghosts in singapore.
But then i remembered that the 7 month was over. And as i walked into the lift lobby,
the stench of burning plastic hit me like a mother fucker high on glue.
It was totally over bearing !
I was hit by a sudden rush of vigilante justice. Had i seen the bloody pricks who did this i would have
canned their arses and threw them into the burning plastic melt.
I did what any good citizen should. I called the cops, who may i add took their bloody sweet time to respond.
Within 10 mins a the red rhino came but still not good enough. 10 mins is alot during crisis.!
The whole bloody block could have burnt down!
Still there were no cops in sight.
I called them again to urge them to come as the fire men had put out the fire but had not done the
investigative procedures. I mean we do want to catch these motherfuckers right?
Or is arson not considered to be more dangerous to drug trafficking?
I got a burning question
how come when i do something wrong the police respond so bloody fast
but when i want something done like now
they take forever to come?
i mean for goodness sakes your getting your pay from us the tax payers
you should like respond faster right!

BTW i looked into the burning dustbin and i say a Molotov cocktail within it. It was so bloody
obvious ! The alcohol smell was over bearing and there was a bottle of something with a cloth
stuffed into the bottle's neck!

Think these bastards wont stop here
this is how the game goes right?
Go until you get caught.
Well better pray you dont get caught by Vigilante Justice mother fuckers

Chicosci - 7 Black Roses lyrics

When I leave
I wanna wait for the silence
You gave me all you've got
But now I stand here waving to you

But still you smile
You're still looking back
Maybe I just wasn't kind enough
I'm fighting urges to fall again
Yet I stumble, Yet I stumble

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

How do I remain complete?
When all we bled is lost
We could've burned the earth and sky

A second chance, the seconds spent
Each other's shadow, should have known
I'm fighting urges to fall again
Yet I stumble, Yet I stumble

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you

Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
(inside this heart you still remain
But faded letters are erased)

Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
(inside this heart you still remain
But faded letters are erased)

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
These roses died ,three days since

MY DECEMBER


Cold hard wind blows over my soul
who do i turn to for comfort in the snow
not you whom has given me life
for thy heart is cold
as cold as ice
for far are we apart
separated by thy madness of thy black heart


It would seem that something just dosent agree with you
something could just be me
granted i am not my brother
i know this fully well
i am neither smart like him
nor as good a politician as he will be
As you may have also noticed
i am not like any of the other cousins whom you are fond of
not JANSEN or TJ
not RAFF or ROY
nor MAT and IVAN
i am a class of my own as you have liked to call it
NO CLASS
But you know something
this past week
i have been feeling great
Great coz i have a sense of balance during my days
when i go to school
i have a purpose
i study like i have no time to do so at home
i may look like im playing a fool or something
but what needs to be done i store in my mind
and when i get home
i get it done
and on days that i work,
i reach home not feeling tired from
a long hard day's work
but feeling contented at doing a good job.....
but today
today u just managed to throw out whatever good feelings i have
you know just a simple talk to you is enough to make me feel like shit
no matter how right i am i always seem to be wrong
never good enough for you
you say that you've lost interest in me and ian
thats why you dont call us anymore
well.... WHAT KINDA MOTHER SAYS THIS KIND OF SHIT
i once said that even if u murdered someone i would still call you mum
but you wont even do this for me so why the fuck should i do it for you
after so long you still think that i cant handle my life well
so why dont you just leave me in prison then?
why take me out only to distrust me all over a-fucking-gain?
i hate you so much it makes me cry to think of it
i really hate you so bloody fucking much
so many reasons you give me about me being in the wrong
and i always say that maybe i am
i try so hard to get your approval but each time i fail
and you dont ever see how hard i try to climb back up into normal society
you only see what i am lacking
you are no longer a mother to me
i was right when i said patrina made a better mother than you
right now i think that CHING CHING would make a better mother than you
soon you will be dead to me just as i am dead to you