SAINTS AND SINNERS

2008-11-23T23:12:00.000+08:00

i have moved again......... www.ivebeeninked.blogspot.com this blog will self destruct soon

2008-04-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

I HAVE MOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

http://taintedsins.spaces.live.com/

NEW

2008-03-24T00:18:00.001+08:00

NEW NEW NEW NEW

NEC is the BOMB
just got a new lap top and it is a killer i tell u....

I LOVE MY BABY POHHHHH

Marked for life

2008-03-15T05:37:00.001+08:00

Tattoos make a man
someone once told me
tattoos are a way of telling your life's story
or so i think it is
meet my latest addition to my tattoo family

with you

2008-02-16T01:53:00.000+08:00

Hey! Little mama,
Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot..little figure,
Yes, you're a winner
And I'm so glad to be yours,
You're a class all your own
And..
Oh, little cutie
When..you talk to me
I swear..the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and..

Cause if I got you
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.
And..
I need you boo, (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

THE BLAME GAME

2008-02-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

All the world is looking at hong kong right now
Some claim this to be the scandal of ASIA
of epic proportions ! Slightly lesser than that of Paris' one night in her.
But hey.....
we forget....
Our asian stars are ARE human too
So what they are cast into the spot light
be it on or off screen
THEY ARE STILL HUMAN
prone to error
I mean whats wrong with taking pictures?
we all do
and whats wrong about taking nudes?
or even IN THE ACTs?
dont tell me none of you out there has never ever had the urge to?
the what the hell are porno sites for?
How many of us in our teenaged days wished for some starlet to just
be the ultimate object of our desires>
i mean we all wished pamala anderson would strip
and she gave us more than that right?
so what right do we have to point the blame at mr ed is on right now?
From what i can see he's got his fucking game on!
and of gillian is it>
whats wrong with her being caught in the nude?
i hear stories about girls abandoning her as their idol
saying stuff like they dont want this kinda of idol
hey im saying wake the fuck up !
your just pissed coz she got to do ed and you didnt.
hell thats not a bad thing.
id go brokeback for ed.....
well not really la but hes a good looking guy no?

DREAMS TO DIE OFF

2008-02-12T02:53:00.000+08:00

DREAMS TO DIE OFF

Cant sleep very well
awoke to the sounds of a lingering nightmare
one that involves me with a very evil looking syringe
which was filled with this very pure cocaine
i could feel the needle stabbing at my poor thin skin
trying to pierce into my veins and unload its contents into me
vile toxic sweet heaven
i can still feel its taint
though nothing but a dream
it lingers ...
holding me like a lost lover
i still feel its grasps on my heart
In my dream i remember looking at my arm
at who was the one doing this to me
MYSELF
i stabbed into my arm
i murdered myself
the poison seeping through my veins
sentencing me to my own death
after so long
after being so free,

i awoke to the sound of my own breathing
the beating of my heart against the silence of my dark room
ALONE at home
alone as i have always been
in my dark thoughts
i thought i was over this
yet it haunts me
the last time these dreams came
was when i was locked up
only recently separated from my precious drugs
cold turkey brought about these night mares of addiction
and now why are they back?

the stress of chinese new year ?

..............the past is slain
please let it be so

NEED

2008-02-10T03:55:00.000+08:00

NEED

I am not a bad person
i mean it really
i am not rock solid evil
neither am i a good person
a few of my ex girlfriends classify me as
"THE ONE I (they) MEET BEFORE THE ONE"
In a strange way
i somehow feel that this is very true
looking back
i see that i am NOT SENSITIVE
i am also not really a person who wears his heart on his sleeves
i am not one to really remember the detail of things
you can say that i am quite selfish
JUST THE TYPICAL GUY if you ask anyone around
But now times have changed
and i am a thing of the past
guys now are more good looking
going for the metrosexual look while i am still stuck with my fuck care appearance
the SNAG has killed everything for me

I got this girl
and shes the one
i do everything i can
at least to the extent that i can
sometimes more sometimes less
but still it does not seem to be enough

I struggle against myself to be a better person
but at times i just feel like giving up totally
i never seem to be any good at anything
call it low self-esteem call it whatever
for all i know i could be the biggest TURD is history
but i do try hard.

You see i got this girl and she is the world to me
but i just cant seem to make her smile anymore

hi there im 24 this year and i dont have shit to my name
maybe i have this rep about me.
but what can rep do? can it feed me ? cloth me ?
can it help me support my future family
i dont think so.

all i have acheived in this 24 years is the name "Pui Leng"
a dragon at heart but a useless one perhaps
am i to walk this path forever
cant i do more
?

CNY

2008-02-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

CNY BLUES

Once again our hero ben is in the midst of yet another family holiday
he feels surrounded by the bright lights and warmth of family and friends
yet strangely he feels untouched by the infectious warmth
unknown to all he still feels somehow alone in his dark plight
unable to hold back his feelings of dispise of his lack of accomplishments
unspoken words that he keeps back
fighting to find a reason for his existance he slays his remaining self-worth
scaring himself with the greives of a previous life
tormented by his past actions he wails in despair
only to hope for a gentle saviour
not in the form of a dove or that everlasting omni-potent holy ghost
nay but in the form of a kind human
a gentle one who graces his battle weary heart
one who gives him peace
one who gives him warmth
in the midst of his struggles
he looks up into the heavens (or in this case to his side)
and he realizes that that one being is with him
and everything is better
everything is healed and forgiven
ready to start a new year
with newer battles to be fought
he lays his hands in the hands of his love
he rest his soul in her gentle beautiful eye....

POHLIN

OF MOHAWKS AND SUCH

2008-01-31T23:33:00.000+08:00

OF MOHAWKS AND SUCH

The views on this particular hair trend is really really ...well two sided.
And not in a mild way.
people either hate it ... and in a way that is absolute ... or love it
as it totally worship it.
(i know that sounded a little sacriligious coming from a christian.)
I found out first handed that there are not many people who appreciate this hair trend.
I for one have always wanted one.
to the point that i always kinda cut my hair to the absolute nearest possible lenght without actually going over the line.(thats coz i still am under some sort of supervision from our very kind goverment.)
But like i said i have always pushed the limit as far as i could go without breaking the rules.
However i have never indulged myself in the trend totally.
You know i am not one to just follow trends and fashion blindly. I go with what my heart tells me. I KNOW WHO I AM , unlike someothers who just blindly follow. I also know that when i finish my schooling i will never get to cut this particular hairstyle .... well not unless i am a top dog professional....
there for sometime this week..... i went ahead and did it....
i went on ahead and slashed off my hair for a mohawk! and god did it feel good
it was a climax of sorts. I mean there i was waiting since before i went into the army in 2001 all the way till now 2008..... that was one hell of a foreplay...
and trust me this climax was well worth the wait for...
Though my family told me off and there was a fight or two involved... i still think that it was well worth the trouble.... i know i sound like a fucking brat not but im not usually like this.

ONWARDS WITH LIFE

photos will be up soon....

next trend...... SKIN... or as close to skin as i can get... (once again thanks to the wonderful goverment that we have) CHEERS

ALL CRIED OUT

2008-01-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

I HATE BEN

IN THE EVENT OF DARKNESS

2007-12-23T04:05:00.001+08:00

IN THE EVENT OF DARKNESS

Timely whispers of sinister deaths
as men wallow in shadowy dares
a demon lurks beneath his skin
not one but many in kin
with words spoken one often finds
more reason to leave behind
a history of broken minds
half-filled promises
and yesterday's life
the sin is nothing without the crime
a jaded soul with nothing to fight
a lost ruler without his throne
like death without his hatchet
or a lark without its song
an empty shell
a broken flask
a song written
but still without a tune
a sad horror
that is one's life
with nothing more
nothing less
and end
to one's painful flame
snuffed before it ever became
as light fades and darkness comes
prepare for the final fight
where nothing matters
no one cares
where you falter
and fall
and
none will even stare.

________________________________________________

Cash woes bring down even the tallest of men
what more me?
This Xmas season brings me no more luck nor cash
then the last one did
here i am working my ass off only to fuck up everything
by spending too much money
haha Just dont know where it all goes
however
i do have a plan
and i think i can make good
i know i have to in order to win back the trust of my parents

persecution is natural to everyone who wants something so bad
the future is not looking so bright right now because of the
persecution that i face
but i have to go on
strive for the results that i so desire
i have it coming i can feel it my time is at hand
strive on i keep telling myself....
and i WILL

Work is fun
being that POH and RINA joined.
sad to say that i will be taking a 2 month break from divan
in order to focus on my studies and at the same time try to
learn the ropes from my mother
hopefully i can handle the stress and continue to work
at divan for the next few years
i have a newer responsibility now
i am currently in charge of the scheduling and looking after
all the part timers in divan who is under the biz trading agency
well not that the pay is high,
its just 8 bucks an hour...
its just that the added responsibility makes me feel good
like i have accomplished something....
i feel.............. contented now...

I LOVE POH

fuck and a motherfucker

2007-12-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

THE EVIL THAT ROTS ME

I've been coming along just fine this holidays
been feeling terrible since incident pasir ris happened.
my backs hurting like a mother fucker and a slut together.
and well nothings going right at work but still i manage to cope like the burning mother
fucker that refuses to die.
Forgive my french for i am really not in much of a mood to write anyway else
DIVAN is really becoming a CHORE to me now.
sure kenneth has made me a in charge of sorts
not that i dont welcome the responsibility and all that
but its not that i dont want it its that it comes at a rather fucked up time
WHEN IVAN IS NOT HERE
i mean i know that different people have different styles of working
but this new guy ..... he dosent!
not meaning he copies IVAN
no he just dosent do anything at all and acts like he does...
i mean like what the fuck and a mother fucker right?

time to meet baby....

i thirst for blood....

USELESS

2007-11-25T07:15:00.000+08:00

USELESS

Sometimes i feel so ...... well you know what i am trying to get at
All the others that are around my age are already established in their chosen
field or so by now and how about me.
i sit here typing this after a night at work.
i just got home after work.
working for somebody else
and not myself.
this is not how i imagined myself to be
i mean there is some form of pride when i figure out that i have somehow or another
entrusted with the trust of my employers
but theres some stuff that keeps me down
i just cant seem to control my life at all!
my school work is lagging
and now that the holidays are here
i have to work for my mother who has so nicely paved a new position for me at her company
and i so highly doubt that i can carry this position at all.
i feel like a failure !
IVAN and KELVIN are almost my age and they are both so well off in terms of maturity and well....... more than that.
IVAN is his own boss with a company that knows not boundries....
KELVIN is the overall manager of a cigar outlet....
BEAT THAT BEN!
I mean i know that somewhere inside myself i too can do what they have done
but somehow i always seem to have let myself down
am i really that useless?
and coming to the money issue
it just seems to slip right by me !
i dont know where it goes but it DOES GO
FRIENDS?
i have few.
good friends ....LESSER
but now at DIVAN i have really gathered a treasure load of friends with connections
for my projects.
GOD MUST BE BLESSING ME
and yet why does he still make me so weak or is it just another test without and answer?

GUARD TROUBLES

2007-11-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

GUARD TROUBLES

So you see the thing about security guards is
that they care about the little things that dont matter
and they ignore the bigger stuff around them.

"HEY theres someone killing someone right next door
BUT we'll just catch the guy smoking in our compound."

So there i was with my trusty side kick for the day SUPER NICK
and we're just hanging there waiting for a distress signal or something.
You know thing about studying in town, theres always a criminal waiting
for a chance to do something to someone.

So me and SUPER NICK we chilling waiting for a sign
and as we were chilling,
we decided to do something productive with our time
we thought that we'd give our super self-healing powers
a test out,
and so we gallently place our lungs under stress by breathing in toxic
fumes through our mouths down into our lungs
things were going just as we planed them
our lungs were taking the stress just fine

We also chatted with KIn and his VCO as we waited.

THEN OUT OF NOWHERE came

SECURI-MATT

we were caught unawares!
and he whipped out his SECURI-AUTHORITY (Power dosent do shit 5 feet outside the grounds of school)
and he just managed to hit us with a glancing blow due to his
surprise attack
we got our super hero passes stolen by him

after which SUPER NICK and i decided FUCK this area
every one can just get robbed and report to the SECURI-MATT
for all we fucking care....

Following which we returned to our cave....
THE COM-CAVE
to finish up the rest of our anti-criminal activities

and what of the SECURI-MATT

He over strained himself catching SUPER NICK and I

therefore he went back to his cave to sleep
like all SECURI's are so good for

I JUST WOKE UP

2007-11-14T02:36:00.000+08:00

ROAAAAARRRR

I just fucking woke up!

2 - 49 fucking AM

I GOTTA GET TO SCHOOL LATER

FUCK!
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

sleep lays it's claim....

on the phone with babe...

just told her im blogging
and she's like

" BLOGGING! BLOGGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO KETTLE

kettle's gotta go court.....

The security guards in school are getting on my nerves

just dreamt of them though

searching for me in an endless maze of classrooms

their search continues

SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR LA DEIIIIIIIIIII

tomorrow..
or as rina says "TOMORROW?"

i shall do wonders

tomorrow i shall conquer the world
tomorrow i shall scale the everest that is my home work
i shall scale it's heights and bungee jump from it's summit

but for tonight

tonight

REST

KNEEL DOWN AND BEG LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE

2007-11-11T13:33:00.000+08:00

KNEEL DOWN AND BEG LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE

Girls will be girls
a simple problem is just that right?
I mean if you wanna settle things then do it your way.
If you are afraid of a backlash then dont piss people off with your stupid comments
or whatever...
Gladis is it?
Or what ever the fuck you call yourself.
YOU ARE SUCK A FUCKING PUSSY LUH
how can you call yourself a bung?
BUNG SAI more likely.
IF YOU HAVE GOT SOME PROBLEM WITH NICK SETTLE IT YOURSELF LUH
why the fuck do you involve others?
YOU AFRAID?
THEN DONT FUCKING PISS PEOPLE OFF WITH YOUR ATTITUDE!

The story here is that this funny BUNG ( butches)
had a problem or something with MR NICK
and she called guys down to help her.
MR NICK called me then to come to her aid.
When i reached the guys had left
I assumed that they knew better than to get themselves involved in a girls matter.
There for i took my baby and left to meet KETTLE and her friend JO
Not before telling MR NICK that she owed me a bottle of martel

Met KETTLE Lido and Bussed with her to PS
walked to THE CATHAY where we were interrupted by a call from MR NICK
the guys were back.
They were shouting and yelling like gangsters at her and her friends.
Challenging them to a fight or something.

I fearing the worst jumped into a cab with POH KETTLE AND JO
rushed down to far east.
on the way i called KIN (MR KIN will post about him soon)
Kin called nick and got to talk to the mother fuckers who threatened NICK.

I reached
They were already walking out of the carpark like they owned the night.
So full of their self-confidence.
MOtherfuckers must not have seen me.

I walked up and fucked them straight out.
Totally fucked them like the piss worthy mother fucking bitch slapping sons of bitches they were
asked them what the matter way and why they were threatening my friends for
they said that my friends surrounded their friend 10 to 1 and they were not happy
i asked who challenged the GIRLS to a fight.
The fat fuck said that it was him.

I told them ok the girls surround your friend 10 to one
i take u guys on
since you want to fight
3 of u against one of me
5 to 10 i also dont mind coz im a guy
they said dont wanna fight.
i say dont be pussy la
just now challenge girls when a guy come down your cock all drop ?
the middle guy say that its his fault coz he never control his friends properly
he asked me what i wanted to settle this
i told him what i want you can give?
he told me that they never even touched the girls
but someone named MR NICK told me that they (the fat fuck) flicked a cigarette at a girl
so i demanded that the fat fucker kneel down and say sorry to that girl
they said dont want
i said ok la
i beat any one of u till im happy
the middle guy said ok beat me
im like WOW WHAT A FUCKING GOOD FRIEND.......
so there and then i decided that i would not lay a finger on them especially that friend!
i told them that i dont want
i want his fat friend to beat him till i am happy.
just when his friend was about to agree i told him no i dont want
FUCKING FAT FUCKER WAS ABOUT TO BEAT HIS OWN FRIEND FOR HIS MISTAKE?
fuck that wont happen while im on watch....
the little guy beside these two was really getting on my nerves challenging me with every word i said
i just told them that now this was only the girls matter that i was settling
if he pissed me off some more i would take it personally
and that time i would not be so merciful
that small motherfucker shut his mouth immediately lol
so finally after much talk the fat fuck kneeled down

LESSON TO BE LEARNT

IF YOU CANT WALK THE WALK THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE TALK.....

2007-11-01T02:36:00.000+08:00

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Face Down lyrics

Hey girl

you know you drive me crazy
One walk puts the rhythm in my head.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
~~I see what's going down.~~

Cover up with make up in the mirror
~~Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again~~
You cry alone and then he swears ~~he loves you.~~

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world bear a consequence
If you wait around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say you're right again,
Say you're right again,
Heed my lecture.

Do you feel like a man ?

One day she will tell you that she had enough

NEW READERS

2007-10-28T14:58:00.000+08:00

Im glad my penning has found new readers
now i can spread my corrupt thoughts to many...
anyway
WELCOME FANNIE AND MUI MUI

A little on our new additions to my tainted world
MUI MUI is my sis who calls me her sis
twisted eh?
But its ok.... all in the name of good clean fun
through the months (less than 4 ) that i have known her
she is really becoming a great friend
like that of an arm....
part of the body that i am
so much so that i cant imagine what i'd do at work without her
SHE HAS TO PROTECT ME FROM THE ADVANCEMENTS FROM CUSTOMERS
as will i when the AMK (ang moh ***s) come....
(the above is not directed at all foreigners but at a specific few..... JUST IN CASE SOME MOTHER F***ERS|
wants to sue me for discrimination.....)

FANNIE is a fun girl to chill with too...
though i dont get to work with her often
but when we do its all good too
....
sometimes too good...
so much so that i feel that i am being transformed into
a CHICK...
all this talk of shopping make-ups and japanese bread
makes me uncomfortable....
lol.....

JESS LEFT EARLY LAST NIGHT

but cant blame her la
she was totally not in the mood....
anyway.... hope she feels better now

MR NICK

2007-10-22T11:05:00.000+08:00

MR NICK

An introduction to my good friend mr NICK

Nick as you can see is mostly a guy's name
however this nick
this nick is slightly weird
dare i say queer
in other countries MR NICK would be considered or classified
as a fruit
well Mr NICK if were to be considered a fruit would be
the most FRUITTY OF FRUITS...
a pungent DURIAN perhaps
or even a DRAGON FRUIT of the purple kind...
or perhaps a MANGOSTEEN....
something that is so purple that it taints....

MR NICK
came not from lasalle at first
but thats not his fault...
we all have bad points so dont hate people dont hate
MR NICK as very much like me
a GHOST in class
drifting in and out as and when the need arises
but fear not
MR NICK does his work
well at least he tries very much
and so do i
at least i do try

MR NICK is very much a good friend
a good friend of my girlfriend's sister
MR NICK is also a funny friend
one who is QUITE WELL KNOWN IN HIS OWN CIRCLE

after saying so much.....

MR NICK IS EVERYTHING NICE
EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE SAID ABOUT HIS IS TRUE

BUT MR NICK IS NO MAN.....

HE'S NOT EVEN HALF A MAN....

MR NICK...... is WOMAN....

ENTITY

2007-10-21T14:08:00.000+08:00

ENTITY

Is there a god
sometimes i wonder how can he be proud of us when all
we touch we taint with our sinful hands

In the bible Jesus chased out the mother F**Kers from
the temple
they had turned it into a fun fair for sin
selling and buying sex services
money trading
ect....
he said they have desecrated my fathers house

that is how i felt yesterday....

I have always described myself as a stand alone christian
I have never felt the need to go to church
none at all because theres no point in singapore
well not that there is no point
but little

I have always enjoyed church in prison
there is not one single time that i have missed it
i love the songs the message
in short i love everything that christianity SHOULD stand for
but not what it has become

To me i supposed
christianity has become tainted
a rich man's religion
a sorta status
"oh my so bloody rich god has blessed me i shall attend church"
but when prayer does not work when things go bust...
"oh where is god?"

coming back to the topic

Last night had all the makings of a POWER sermon
the atmosphere was right
we came in settled down to a beautiful selection of songs
went through that
straight into an interview with an M.S syndorme victim
then dove right into a play about how god changes lives...
all had me almost to tears...

Then the replacement pastor came on and preached

WHAT A FUCKING TURN OFF

i heard the words "corprate industry" about 30 times through the sermon
i heard "industrial market place" a few times lesser
"play by the strengths of our companies"
"financial aid"
i could just go on and on and on....
what has church become?
i mean i know that a church matures
but this?
a wall street church?
taking a different approach?>

how about we talk about trading stock the godly way?>
why not get lectures on how to donate stocks?
ARE U A CHURCH OR BLOODY WALL STREET TRADERS?

WHAT HAS MY FATHER'S HOUSE BECOME CITY HARVEST
WHEN WILL THIS SACRILLAGE END

2007-10-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

ACTUALLY......

Thats just me thinking of how depressed i used to feel

now ....

what have i got to be depressed about

sure things still dont always go my way...
BUT life is definately worth living

thinking back at those days that i depended on a needle in my arm
to give me the strength to live another day....

I really pity that person that i was....

now i have so many things to live for....

and its not my next high....

2007-10-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

LETS TAKE IT OLD SCHOOL

CUT MY LIFE IN TO PIECES

THIS IS MY LAST RESORT

SUFFOCATION

NO BREATHING

DONT GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING

WOULD IT BE WRONG

WOULD IT BE RIGHT

IF I TOOK MY LIFE TONIGHT

CHANCES ARE THAT I MIGHT

MUTILATION OUT OF SIGHT

AND I CONTEMPLATED SUICIDE

COZ

IM LOSING MY SIGHT

LOSING MY MIND

WISH SOMEBODY COULD TELL ME IM FINE

LOSING MY SIGHT

LOSING MY MIND

WISH SOME BODY COULD TELL ME IM FINE

NOTHINGS ALRIGHT

NOTHING IS FINE

IM RUNNING AND IM

CRYING>>>>

IM CRYING

IM CRYING>>>>>>

IM CRYING>>>>>>>>

DIVAN

2007-10-13T06:02:00.000+08:00

DIVAN

MOS today.... or rather tonight...
was not really in the mood as baby was not there.
whats clubbing when your shorty aint there to bump and gring againts you?

Jess was the star of today's bash...
thought i did help her avoid nagol 's advances.....
BLOODY HELL I GOT LICKED.... or rather my dragon got licked....

DETHOL DETHOL DETHOL>>>>>>>>>

if i had acid id burn it....

M had a few comments....

i have my own life and my own laws to live....
i am not held back by tradition though i do respect it....

Jess JEss JESs JESS.....

YOU OWE ME BIG BIG,,,,,

BIG

I MISS MY BABY.....

GOLD SHIT

2007-10-06T16:07:00.000+08:00

JUST SOMETHING FUCKED ABOUT YOU

2007-10-06T15:33:00.000+08:00

JUST SOMETHING FUCKED ABOUT YOU

Theres something in the air
a certain wiff of mutiny dont you think
where a friend can fuck everything up by his selfish needs
cant believe things went this wrong
i should not even have helped him get the girl
CHECK Rina's blog its all there
actually if all our friends had blogs this would be in every one of them
i feel cheated
cheated that i thought he was my friend
but in the end he turns out to be a childish prick

"I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH HER" Which was translated from the
chinese words "wo zhi shi gen ta wan wan de"

Tell me what do these words mean?

Ya i know that you and her were close before
until the point that you were almost together .....
but good thing she saw what all others before her had seen...
YOU ARE JUST A MAMA'S BOY LIVING ON YOUR MAMA'S GOOD WILL
and forever that you will be
you might be richer than us now and in the future
but you will never know what it was like growing up on your own
your work will look good
but thats coz you spend every hour that you are free (which is almost all the time )
doing it UNLIKE THE REST OF US WHO HAVE TO WORK AND WORRY ABOUT OUR NEXT PENNY
there for your work will be completed but lack depth....

ALL IN ALL WHAT I WANNA SAY IS A BIG FUCK YOU ALAN

Now there go call the police i said it out motherfucking loud....
YOU CAN AND SHOULD CONSIDER THIS A FLAME fucker....
Now be a good pussy and call the COPS

NALA=~~MAN~~WOMAN

SACRIFICIAL LAMB

2007-09-30T13:22:00.000+08:00

SACRIFICIAL LAMB

For you they would move the earth the mountains the seas and the skies
for me they'd not as much as whisper their tears beneath their smiles
to you they're worth more than metal silver and gold
to me they're nothing but rust on decomposed iron ore
the world is never enough for the apple
but what of the thorn
is it not part of the plant
forgotten forlorn
forever seeking the light that it lost
uncomprehending the situation its in
aimlessly drifting winding its way
envious of the fruit
oh how people marvel at its sweetness its beauty
when they hardly ever noticed the thorn

I sing these lines of woe upon my soul
heart to hand tears to eyes
my sadness my songs
i compose the melody that is my life

I gave you everything that i could get
i was instructed to GIVE everything to you
YOU get EVERYTHING and i get none
CARE CONCERN
you seem to have a position over me
everything is about youYOU YOOU YOU
your decisions carry weight mine is just air
your needs and wants over shadow mine
SEEMS to be your the child and im the crow
perhaps its always been this way
just that i could never see it

Once only the womb treated u this way
now it seems that both are equally the same in views
seems like i am the odd one out in this alr broken family
cut the tree at its roots
i care not
i shall leave
depend and love only those who care and love for me
goodbye

THE FUCKING GREATER VIEW

2007-09-29T03:28:00.000+08:00

THE FUCKING GREATER VIEW

Needless to say ive been shit busy
schools almost out for this semester but still another 3 more to go before this years out
school works been though but im confident i'll have everything done and ready for
submission by the end of project week
work well works been fun fun fun fun....
made a truck load of friends here
both fellow part timers and full timers as well as the customers as well
never knew i could click so well with people that i hardly know
well we live and we learn dont we?

Home has been really funny lately
mum dont trust me with my life and sad to say i dont blame her
ive never been trust worthy of anything before
what can i say
i was a bloody druggie man
half the time i didnt even trust myself
hopefully i can pull this act together in time for the final show
only that will count
and soon i will be worthy of trust respect and hopefully so admiration too....
i dont long for glory of the top
i long for acceptance.....

I FUCKING HATE YOU BOTH

2007-09-18T12:53:00.000+08:00

Ian just went into army yesterday
there was such a great big hype about him going into the army
mum fussed dad fussed
everyone made a big thing of it.
cash went to him from mum and dad without him asking
as well as when he asked for it
about a hundred of that went to his new army specs......
and another hundred and fifty to 200 went to cooking salmon something
for his friends....
i remember my army day very well
mum gave me 10 dad 20
mum said goodbye at my door.... room door
dad was FORCED by mum to go....

a few years later....
they were both rushing to go with my brother to camp
they both WANTED TO GO
dad had limited cash......
these few days the worlds been rather hard on him...
but still he gave him 150 first then another 100 plus took him
for a nice dinner on sunday.

skip a few years back...
i spent the day before i went into camp alone
no friends no family
it was christmas 2001
can you believe it?

these few days mum only spoke to me about ian and his preparations
she took him to his mindef interviews
a few years ago she threw me at the enterance of depot road
and told me to make my way back home after i was done.

i was 17 and he is now 20
big difference?

And they still say there is no favouritism in our family
fuck them man

I sold the sofa
ian sat at home
i carried the heavy stuff
i understood when i had to make my way home
i mean its not that they dont do things for me
they do but after ive done something for them first
but with my brother......
all he has to do is just ask and it will be given

i was asked to stop schooling today
on account that i am working part time
and that she says that i have not been showing the right attitude to my work
granted i have been having problems
but these are what i am trying to work around
i need the work because what if all of a sudden she turns around and tells me
that i have to support myself
she's capable of that you know

my phone bill is late
ive not paid it again
my line is semi suspended
i got problems beyond what you can imagine
my dark side is coming out again
just this morning as i was walking to my bus stop
i looked at the higher flats in my housing estate and
thought to myself
wouldnt it be nice if i could just go up
and throw myself down
it'd put a nice end to this sad sad family life
then only perhaps then will they be able to miss me
or even see that i in my own weird way
am worthy of their respect and love like ian is
he is younger but it seems like i will always live in his shadow
perhaps the only way is to let my death over shadow him
then only will they wish that they had
treasured me
or perhaps i am the one in the wrong
perhaps i am over reacting....
then end it for me please

Burning dustbins and all that shit

2007-09-14T10:18:00.001+08:00

Burning dustbins and all that shit

I guess some people are just born stupid. That or they grew to be stupid mother fuckers.
I came home last night around 1am to the sight of something out of the ordinary.
I saw this burning red thing next to the letter boxes at my flat's lift lobby. At first i attributed it to the 7 month thing . some lazy buggers burnt offerings there or something to please the many roaming ghosts in singapore.
But then i remembered that the 7 month was over. And as i walked into the lift lobby,
the stench of burning plastic hit me like a mother fucker high on glue.
It was totally over bearing !
I was hit by a sudden rush of vigilante justice. Had i seen the bloody pricks who did this i would have
canned their arses and threw them into the burning plastic melt.
I did what any good citizen should. I called the cops, who may i add took their bloody sweet time to respond.
Within 10 mins a the red rhino came but still not good enough. 10 mins is alot during crisis.!
The whole bloody block could have burnt down!
Still there were no cops in sight.
I called them again to urge them to come as the fire men had put out the fire but had not done the
investigative procedures. I mean we do want to catch these motherfuckers right?
Or is arson not considered to be more dangerous to drug trafficking?
I got a burning question
how come when i do something wrong the police respond so bloody fast
but when i want something done like now
they take forever to come?
i mean for goodness sakes your getting your pay from us the tax payers
you should like respond faster right!

BTW i looked into the burning dustbin and i say a Molotov cocktail within it. It was so bloody
obvious ! The alcohol smell was over bearing and there was a bottle of something with a cloth
stuffed into the bottle's neck!

Think these bastards wont stop here
this is how the game goes right?
Go until you get caught.
Well better pray you dont get caught by Vigilante Justice mother fuckers

7 black roses

2007-09-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

Chicosci - 7 Black Roses lyrics

When I leave
I wanna wait for the silence
You gave me all you've got
But now I stand here waving to you

But still you smile
You're still looking back
Maybe I just wasn't kind enough
I'm fighting urges to fall again
Yet I stumble, Yet I stumble

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

How do I remain complete?
When all we bled is lost
We could've burned the earth and sky

A second chance, the seconds spent
Each other's shadow, should have known
I'm fighting urges to fall again
Yet I stumble, Yet I stumble

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you

Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
(inside this heart you still remain
But faded letters are erased)

Hear this, I'm yours
I'm at your feet
(inside this heart you still remain
But faded letters are erased)

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
Black roses died, we said goodbye
These roses died, three days since
I'm sorry, I miss you

These roses died, three days since
These roses died ,three days since

MY DECEMBER

2007-09-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

MY DECEMBER

Cold hard wind blows over my soul
who do i turn to for comfort in the snow
not you whom has given me life
for thy heart is cold
as cold as ice
for far are we apart
separated by thy madness of thy black heart

It would seem that something just dosent agree with you
something could just be me
granted i am not my brother
i know this fully well
i am neither smart like him
nor as good a politician as he will be
As you may have also noticed
i am not like any of the other cousins whom you are fond of
not JANSEN or TJ
not RAFF or ROY
nor MAT and IVAN
i am a class of my own as you have liked to call it
NO CLASS
But you know something
this past week
i have been feeling great
Great coz i have a sense of balance during my days
when i go to school
i have a purpose
i study like i have no time to do so at home
i may look like im playing a fool or something
but what needs to be done i store in my mind
and when i get home
i get it done
and on days that i work,
i reach home not feeling tired from
a long hard day's work
but feeling contented at doing a good job.....
but today
today u just managed to throw out whatever good feelings i have
you know just a simple talk to you is enough to make me feel like shit
no matter how right i am i always seem to be wrong
never good enough for you
you say that you've lost interest in me and ian
thats why you dont call us anymore
well.... WHAT KINDA MOTHER SAYS THIS KIND OF SHIT
i once said that even if u murdered someone i would still call you mum
but you wont even do this for me so why the fuck should i do it for you
after so long you still think that i cant handle my life well
so why dont you just leave me in prison then?
why take me out only to distrust me all over a-fucking-gain?
i hate you so much it makes me cry to think of it
i really hate you so bloody fucking much
so many reasons you give me about me being in the wrong
and i always say that maybe i am
i try so hard to get your approval but each time i fail
and you dont ever see how hard i try to climb back up into normal society
you only see what i am lacking
you are no longer a mother to me
i was right when i said patrina made a better mother than you
right now i think that CHING CHING would make a better mother than you
soon you will be dead to me just as i am dead to you

WORK IS TOTALLY MY STYLE MAN

2007-08-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

DIVAN was absolutely divine

i reached at 5.30 and left around 1.30
i was not fatigued till i reached home!
the crowd yesterday was mild
but the other partimers there told me that friday
it would be rather wild
as in packed
my fellow workers were totally helpful
didnt bully the new guy or anything
even the full timer was really nice!

Let me do a little rundown on the people i met
in order of appearance

JESS - full timer @ Divan
over all big sis who really was approachable.
not like the stuck up full timers that you hear about all
the time from your working friends

JIA LI - She was not working for Divan but rather
working at Divan as a promoter for one of the in house
beverage (alcoholic that is) really out spoken who engaged in
a really interesting conversation regarding china's standered of living :
average pay check

JOY - Fellow parttimer NUS graduate bubbly and fun to chat with
probably a good drinker from the tales that they told over the quite period
where no customers came in. Also she washed most of the dishes lol
i know i should have been the one to do it but you know la
first day la.... i should milk my blur qualities to the max before some one figures out
that any blur cock can was the dishes.... lol

JEFF - The person who i spoke to most during our work time together.
also the person who really made a lasting impression on me that day.
this guy is the text book work-a-holic and with reason that is....
He is chasing his dream and has managed to do what we all dream of.
Enjoying his life while living out his maximum potential.
he is a partime student , studying accounts , working full time during the day
at an accounts firm, part time at Divan and also at a deliveries company.
on average he works 7 days a week.... now talk about time management.
He told me that in everything we do we must have a goal to work to otherwise life
no longer has meaning, we must push ourselves to the limit at time in order to
keep life meaningful and also we must have a realistic plan for our lives other wise
with all the hard work we're doing we'd be mad, pushing so hard forwards with out a
finish line to reach....

I GOT A JOB

2007-08-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

I GOT A JOB

Like final-farmer-farmering-ly......(trying not to use the F word too much)
Working for this place in UE2 called The Connoisseur Divan.

I really cant believe that i got it.
I really owe it all to my babe and god
my Babe for giving me the courage to go for it
and God for providing me the chance.

I encountered shit loads of problems looking for jobs
and sad to say i didnt handle them very well
i vented my frustrations on a great sister of mine and now
shes kinda pissed at me
i know that i was wrong to do so....

But on a brighter note...
after nearly getting trapped in a MLM company,
almost getting cheated at a "tuition" agency
i decided to have one final last go at fishing for a job
called up this place called BIZ-TRADING for a job and they got back to me...

And now i have a job

I went to the interview today
and what i saw on the interview paper nearly put me out of my good mood
the final question was
.......
have you ever been charged in court
and have you ever consumed drugs
......
I'm telling you....if POH had not been there i'd have just uped and gone
somehow the manager seemed ok with that....
and now i have a job.....

YES

DONT

2007-08-24T01:58:00.000+08:00

neh neh neh neh.... theres nothing here

WHATYOU DONT KNOW

2007-08-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

DUE TO A CHANGE IN UNDERSTANDING OF HER HEART I FIND THIS POST TO BE UTTERLY REDUNDANT AND WRONG>>>> THEREFORE I HAVE POSTED THIS TO CLEAR OFF THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON THE PREVIOUS ONE>>>>>>>

dear rina

2007-08-12T03:42:00.000+08:00

~~DEAR RINA~~

I'm sorry that your angry with POH
but im afraid that your put off with the wrong person
you should be pissed at me
I know that POH and you made a promise
but i really was bored to shits that day and didnt want to go home that early
and there was nothing else worth my time that day really.
as you know i've really been down these few day.
friends who i thought were great turned out not as great
as i wanted them to be
close ones suddenly feel so so cold
must be the time that we spent apart
but truely i am sorry for how you feel ok?
but look at it this way
i dont complain when you and poh have your outings
you know that i would die for you just as much as i would die for POH
so why cant you love the two of us the same?
i mean i know you'll always be closer to POH
but still cant we do things together just like the way the 3 of us
do before me and her got together?
i mean if the two of us getting together kills the friendship between the 3 of us
then there must be something very wrong....
do you understand what i am saying?
this is very important you know.....
you really got to ask this question
have i or poh really change that much during these 3 months we are together?
or are we still like before .... just that we are together most of the time now...
you know that i really do ADORE your best friend in LASALLE
and well..... you know also that i adore all my friends and as i have mentioned before
i would gladly lay down my future and life for all of you
so why suddenly so cold

You burn a hole in my mind

2007-08-12T03:32:00.001+08:00

~~YOU BURN A HOLE IN MY MIND~~

The endless blame that you set upon yourself
the tears that you shed every time you falter
dont you know or see that i am here to catch your fall
i gave you my everything and my all
choose you before my family
your my world
so only what you say or how you feel matters to me
yet a simple matter
and you cut me deep
deeper than you ever have.
"doesnt concern you so you dont know how i feel"
these words you said to me
these words so cold
as if i dont
i KNOW
in fact i think i know more than you do
how your hearts seems to shatter at the comments she made
how your heart aches and you dont know what to do
you feel like you've let her down
you feel like your not as good a friend that you thought you were
or that you promised you'd be.
know how i know?
well
i do coz every time you remain silent
walking beside me deep in your thoughts
every time you dont confide in me your feelings
i feel it
the moment you said the words i quoted above....
i felt like you felt when you read her words
so dont say that i dont know
for i know well.
i love you more than anything
your problems are mine as you may know by now
everything that you face
any hardships i would gladly join you
ask yourself have i?
you know i would
and i have......
i really do want you to trust more in me
to share more with me
you asked me to cheer you up
but how can i do that when you are so determined to hate yourself?

I THOUGHT I COULD

2007-08-12T03:14:00.000+08:00

I THOUGHT I COULD

I spent so much time and well heart
believing in the things that i do
however at the time that i needed them the most
where did they go?
did anyone drop everything they were doing on the spot and rush over?
did anyone do anything regardless of cash or time to come to my aid?
i highly doubt so
i remember that there was a time when i was just waking up
and i got a call from a good friend.
this good friend wanted me to go someplace
and i really was too broke to go anywhere.....
but in the end i still did ......
after much consideration that is....
i still did.
Or when someone went for a holiday
and needed me to bring her stuff to school...
well i did.... at the expense of our holiday chalet time....
but we still brought it to school for her.....
and what thanks did we get?
NOTHING
Mr so and so had a really bad day...
i was already dying from my work day....
the next day i had more work and my pocket had a great big hole
what did i do?
i still went down ....
but where were they all just a few days ago?
BUSY

YOU KNOW THE DRILL

2007-08-11T02:31:00.000+08:00

YOU KNOW THE DRILL

Suddenly i feel a pang of guilt.
Its not very well known that i have a family other than the cousins
that i seldom hang with any more.
Yes another side of the family.
My namesake.
How can i even be considered a LOW if i dont even mix with the LOWS?
I guess its all about the up-bringing then.
From young i was brought to my maternal side more often
The bonds formed there were unbreakable... or so i as a young kid thought.
Then came the time where a few visits to my paternal side became a lot less.
Yes the guilty years were years of war.
Not world war .... Hell no.....WORSE
Family war....
to be specific....... DADDY OR MUMMY WAR...
Yes thats the battle where no one ever wins...
and the children suffer....
But i side track from the real reason im posting.
Tag me if you wanna hear this story .......
but for now im gonna continue with the reason i posted this .
Any way. I never bonded much with my paternal side.
Though i did get along well with some of the cousins of my age group.
Others however still remain an enigma to me till this very day.
But the suddenly im thrown into this situation that really slaps me in the face.
My Grandmother passes away...
At the funeral i ask myself.
How have i been to this side of my family.
I'd like to say that i have been partial to them.
But the sad story is that i have not.
I can remember only a few of their names.
Even the names of my uncles and aunties i dont know.
I know the ranking of my uncles.... but thats coz my grandmother had only 3 sons.
But where the aunties are concerned ..... i am unsure.
My cousins .... well lets just say i get by know who i am close with.
And lastly my own grandmother.
I hardly know her........and from what i heard from the aunties and cousins
these few days.... SHE DOTED ON ME THE MOST !
I feel terrible....
TERRIBLE THAT I WAS UNABLE TO SHED A TEAR WHEN SHE LEFT
I wanted to... heaven knows i wanted to.....
There are a lot of ifs in my life and now i've just added another one...
IF ONLY I HAD BEEN CLOSER TO THEM.....
I will not let this be another regret in my life.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN TANGO

2007-08-03T01:27:00.000+08:00

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN TANGO

I hate most cab drivers
Do you realize that cab drivers are aplenty now in singapore
Its as if we were swimming in a sea of cab drivers.
Everybody's' someone is a cab driver!
No offense to the majority of the cab drivers that is.
But the million dollar question is this.
Why then, if we are a country drowning in cabs,
are we still left waiting in the streets trying to hail cabs
that are busy but still fleshing the not occupied lights?
Or how about the customer service ?
Or rather the lack of it.
I mean i call up right?
I tell them my current location
they tell me to hold on
and then the freaking hang up!
WTF is that?
............................................................................

My eyes hurt
Went out without bringing spare eye solution today
so my eyes hurt like the whole day
..........................................................................
Later FOP......
with POH............
i love her so much
being with her makes the hell ive been through today
so worth while....
i love u baby!

KETTLE IS BLACK

A FEW THINGS TO SAY

2007-08-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

A FEW THINGS TO SAY

And since a picture speaks a thousand words.......

Rudy and i served our nation

I still LOVE poh as much as if not MORE as the day this pic was taken

photo proof that RINA the BANANA bullies me.......

BILLY BOMBERS

BLACK KETTLE and her relative from CHINA @ HOME CLUB

TIME FOR THOUGHTS

2007-07-30T20:03:00.000+08:00

TIME FOR THOUGHTS

3 months is a long time, and yet some how it has slipped by so quickly.
with the turn of an eye i find myself gazing upon the start of another academic year.
Never have i felt this longing this strange lust for the school year to begin.
I guess with age come a certain wisdom and lust for knowledge.
3 months without school has been rather.... mild....
I did not imagine it this way really....
Actually a lot has happened .
A lot and little at the same time.
As it was feared by my close friends,
we did stray far from each other this holidays, much like the previous ones
but this time we remained in constant contact.
The only two constant people i ever really go out with is POH and that irritating Jap girl....NA
( HA GOT YOU THERE EH...... i still love you though....but not as much as i love poh)
POH and i have moved to another level in our relationship......
since my parents and family already know of her and have seen her at least once,
the improvement was on her side.....
Now her close relatives know of me..... well all save for her dad.....
but thats a GREAT improvement.....
I got another sister too.... and her name is kettle black
I put on a show outside MOS which earned me a black eye and a rather "law abiding" foe.... (if you know what i mean...."bang bang")
But other than all that i feel that this 3 months have been rather great....
Oh yeah i got to serve my nation too...... i feel so patriotic now......WHERES MY MONEY

ARMOURED

2007-07-29T21:43:00.001+08:00

ARMOUR

The men of the black beret
the least heard of in the singapore military
well at least to me when i was a kid.
When i received the letter from MINDEF stating that i was to
report to KRANJI CAMP to 41 SAR i had absolutely no idea at all
what armour was about.
Friends told me that i would be a trooper chasing after tanks
others told be that i would be carrying additional ammo for the vehicular weapons
what-ever i was told. it was not good.
However as time passed,
the longer that i was in the unit
the more i felt proud of belonging to it.
There is a strange feeling
belonging to armour brings about to a person.
A sense of belonging
I am sure that this happens to all vocations
but it is just special to armour.
The most memorable moment in my army life was not ORD,
it was this day .....6 months after i enlisted,
after 3 months of BMT and 3 months of Trades Course ...
We were turned out just before dawn for a mini route march into the training area behind our camp.
The beaten dusty rocky route there was lined with candles every few feet.
As we marched to our destination we belted army songs cheers and poems at the
top of our lungs.
The early morning mist and the dark purple sky brought about the very best in us.
We marched with our SBO( Skeletal battle order) and our riffles.......
our stomaches in and chests out.
Each step taken in confidence and pride.
When we finally reached our destination, the command to halt was given.
We complied as one. The soles of our feet contacting with the ground at the very same time.
The BANG was so loud its ghost reverberated through the area.
The place as i remember was some-what of a open patch right next to a reservoir of sorts.
Peaceful and calming, its beauty brought a tear to my eye.
Our CO(commander) gave a speech about our accomplishments........
and then at about the same time as dawn breaking......
our section platoon and company commanders walked through our ranks....
each of them presented us with our prize.......our "right"....
a gift that we had bought for ourselves........
A BLACK BERET.
We had finally earned the right to don the black beret....
YES we are armored
we storm the front-lines
we are the first to reach and last to leave.
we are the Calvary ...............

I FEEL HORRIBLE

2007-07-26T11:23:00.000+08:00

I HATE RICH PEOPLE

I do try my best to bring you out
i do
i hate seeing you like this baby
and when i cant do anything about the way you feel
when you are in your moods
i really wanna just hit myself
i feel as if im not good enough
not able to provide you the security and
the comfort that you need
i know that now your really worried about you schooling
and believe me i am too
i really dont know what to do
i am at a lost for words
a lost for actions
close to tears at times
at times totally in tears......
i really wanna help you i do
but circumstances prevent me
im not born rich like those rich bastards
i just make do with what i can
......

MOS FIGHT NIGHT

2007-07-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

MOS FIGHT NIGHT

2007-07-23T11:33:00.000+08:00

HOSAN LEONG IS DA BOMB.....

http://profile.imeem.com/ZRjjVx/music/ZBwyJoD-/hossan_leong_new_singapore_song/

Need i say more?

2007-07-23T01:45:00.001+08:00

A Saint Till The Very End

My dear friend asked me a favor sometime last week during our IN CAMP TRAINING at SUNGI KEDONG CAMP And being the great friend that i am i promised him that i would do everything within my power to get it done for him.
He asked me to his baptism.......
Can you imagine that?
That he would want me at such a sacred occasion!
i was more than happy to oblige him!
I mean its a private occasion for a person
one where he would want his close friends
and people who have made an impact on his life to be next to him
and i am honored to be considered by him to be part of this occasion
where by he is blessed ...
where by he promises his life to christ
where by everything is made new for him
god bless him man...
i just have something to say to him
in fact i did sms him this messaged
" I wear my cross on my arm, now its your turn to wear yours ..... i hope you wear it together with your heart...... on your sleeve"

NOTICE THE TOWEL HE IS USING.......... ARMY SURPLUS ..... lol

Funny how a friendship that started out on the wrong foot ended up lasting so long....
as i recall...... my very first words to him were screamed at the top of my voice
"eh..... you think what..... A - Level big F**K ah?"
.....
.......
now i guess i have to take that all back and rephrase it....
so my dear friend kian tiao..... you think UNI big F**K ah....
!!!!!

But wait a min........

I'M sorta in a UNI too....

2007-07-21T02:59:00.000+08:00

LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE

As promised to NANA these are the few pictures we had taken on our night trip to the ministry of sound.

TIME TO SERVE

2007-07-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

A TIME TO SERVE

A few more hours till im off to do my duty
a duty that all singaporean males should do
(and females too)
You can say that it is in some way our birth-right
although many of us complain about it right out
we're just too bloody shy to admit that we love it!
The great outdoors are seductive
Just the sense of being in the dense jungle is really something
that you have to be there to know what it feels like
the freedom that just takes your heart and holds you there
the freshness of the morning
the feeling of being someone to be reckoned with
you see in the army we're all something
someone, part of a well programmed killing machine
each man has his part and is respect in it and depended on
the lives of his soldier brothers are in his hands.......
there we have a purpose
there our lives , no matter where we come from or what our histories may be,
hold meaning....
there we become men

IM so gonna miss my baby

FANTASTIC FRIDAY (happy birthday wan)

2007-07-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

Watched a movie today
"the EX"
with baby

then it was off to HMV to meet her friend BEN

Then off to meet my brothers

Though i was from a different background from them all
but still they treated me like one of their group
i know it was not much but i did give wan culture a birthday gift
"18" bucks from my own pocket
it was after all his birthday
yet he treated us like it was our birthday!
Baby was very shocked that my bros behaved the way they did
coz thugs aint supposed to behave this way
well
there are roses amongst the thorns thats what i always say

whats important is that baby knows and accepts who i am
and that she knows that i will not endanger her or myself
and that i will not be stupid enough to leave her out here
i will not be stupid enough to go to prison again

Wan said to me today
why be so stupid?
fights selling drugs cigarettes and all the black market stuff
are things of the past!
Now its time to live for those who we care about!
i know its a cliche coming from him
someone whos been in and out of prison
so many times already
but look at him now
he's back with his wife who divorced him
he's with his daughters who he loves
he's got a stable job working daily
coming back from work everyday
he's got close friends who love him and whom he loves
(me included!)
and i think to myself
this is the life that i always thought that being a thug was about
the LOVE and not the money
the kinship and not the fame
the bonding and not the glory.....

I shall vanish from active duty into the arms of my friends...

I shall not be one to be absorbed into the world of darkness again

i live i thirst for life!

and i love my baby

THAT GIRL

2007-07-02T16:23:00.000+08:00

THAT GIRL

Can i give her the happiness that i should ?
Or am i just not the right person?
Could it be true that i am the person some one meets before she meets the one?
inside my mind i really am insecure
i'm as insecure as anyone else if not more than that
baby im sorry from the things that may have made u angry

GIRLFRIEND

2007-07-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

Cupid's Chokehold

Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma I fell in love again
It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend

And I know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And I'm afraid I might give in
Towel's on the mat, my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And AlkaSeltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is

We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been a while since we talked last
And I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son

And I know you heard the last song
About the girls that didn't last long
But I promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)

I love the way she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)

It's gonna be a long drive home
But I know as soon as I arrive home
And I open the door
Take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back into my arms once more for sure.
Like...

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man I swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And I would still cherish every moment
And when I start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like you

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

EEEEEEEEEEE YUCKS!

2007-07-02T02:56:00.000+08:00

EEEEEEEEEEEEE YUCKS

Somethings covering the eyes of singaporean producers
i came across this somewhere
http://ch8.mediacorptv.com/heygorgeous/hunkrating.php?uid=604
i find it really repulsive
i am no beauty myself but
for heavens sakes
i guess that for a television show they should select role models
for society / teens (since this is a show for teens)
but NO they had to just go for superficial stuff
popularity and shit like that
making the rich and well known even richer and well known
i know that it is after all a beauty show of sorts but at least show some concern
about the image that they will project should a bad apple suddenly be cast in the lime light
i mean what if some participant happens to be a super psyco mother fucker?
what if he turns out to be a fink a cheater a ballsless son of a motherless cow
what if he turns out to be a cheater of friends and girlfriends
what if he turns out to be a real mother fucking back stabbing son of a nameless animal?
now that would be horrible exposure to the young minds....
i mean now that teen idol worship is like so crazy
singapore idol finalist are worshipped like gods....
not that its a bad thing
but imagine this
if a finalist was a frigging drug pusher.....
what image would that project to a person who knew?
DRUGS IS COOL?
so in this case being a self-proclaimed gangster/ thug is cool?
i got one thing to say to this linked motherfucker
U AINT WALKED A MILE IN MY SHOES U THINK U CAN MAKE IT MOTHER FUCKER
U AINT WORTH SHIT IN STREET CRED MAN U AINT NOTHING THAT U CLAIM....
AND IT AINT WORTH A SHIT TRYING TO PROVE U WRONG COZ U'D JUST CALL THE COPS
U FUCKING PUSSY

transformers

2007-06-30T06:47:00.000+08:00

GEEKS GET THE GIRLS!

It never seizes to amaze me in the movies a geeky guy can get the girl
hell
had i known better
i'd never stop being a geek!
the geekier the guy the prettier the girl...
should i shed this though exterior?
HAHA
Not a bloody chance

Well i've got a great girl now
so does that make me a geek?
Well......
if looks and the way she treats me is anything to go by
Im singapore's most geeky guy
hmmmmm think i like it this way

AUTOBOTS TAKE COVER!
Just not on the double yellow line.....

AUTOBOTS ROLL OUT!

Eh...... optimus..... i cant
wheel clamp!
Can spare me $100?

AUTOBOTS TRANSFORM!

can i have that N93 instead?

AUTOBOTS MOVE OUT!

Just dont speed... speeding minus points you see

AUTOBOTS chose a human to guard
just not christoper lee......
Hit and runs are punishable by prison time....
and they're either very straight forward ....
or very sticky...
with blood that is

TRANSFORMERS..........
ME POH RUDZ AND CHLO

late night movie
after chillin at this cosy pub near bugis junction...(parco)

late nights are becoming me
or rather im transforming into an owl....

okokok so sue me.... not funny i know
cant blame a man for trying right....

Couldnt sleep so im up to write this crap....
damn....
need to play majong with master sleep....
lol
PONG!

some things are better said with pictures

2007-06-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

I always knew RINA wanted to be a fairy or something like that
this pic justifies what i have always told her....... SHES BONKERS!
just for your info this was taken on POH's birthday
NA just took POH's costume prop and waved it around the whole night
going "let there be a car" while pointing at a car
and "let there be an escalator" at an escalator.....
not that i doubt your magical abilities NA but for petes sakes
next time you want to be impressive
magic up a working one......

muahhhhhhhhh nooooonahhhhhh
nueeeeeeeeiisssss niissshhhhhhh mooooooah nissssshhhnearrrrrrrrrrrr
*translation for muahz language into simple english "this is my sister"
car and her weird photos and weirder language.....

Ah yes my baby and her best friend......

2007-06-25T02:49:00.000+08:00

What is a blog for?
its some place to go to bitch about your day
some place where by you can just write anything and everything
that you are feeling at the very instant that you are typing
its a way of immortalizing your feelings at that moment
be it sad or bad happy or well happier
thats what a blog is for
for me i use it mostly for getting a load off my chest
letting out all the pent up frustrations of life
thats what my blog is for
i am not normally this dark a person
i mean from most of my posts you can derive that i have this
habit of viewing the word from a darker perspective
but really i am not always like that
i mean i hope that i am not always like that
usually i am a fun loving person
i like all the other stuff that any ordinary person would like
well maybe not all the other stuff
but what i mean to say is that i am as human as any one out there
.......
just ask my "family"
hardly a day goes by where i dont crack a joke pull a stupid lame arse stunt
i would say that i enjoy my life
but i was not always like this
lets just say that i never had a life that i could enjoy before

Honestly i have to say
time spent in prison did really change me
it broke the chains that i had placed upon myself
prison broke my addiction to drugs
something that i could never do on my own on the outside world
addiction like this is not broken easily let me tell you
to change one must first want that change
prison gave me that want
that desire to move on with my life
sure i was loaded when i dealt in drugs
but i did not have the sanity to spend the cash the way i would enjoy it
the money i made was recycled back into my addiction

often when i was high
i would just think about the chance of a normal life that i had missed
at times i would get depressed
depressed that i would never live a normal life ever again
because of my addiction to drugs
sometimes i would break down and cry on my own
wondering when this cruse would just take me
i longed and lusted for a normal life
school
homework
relationship
work
but i never was able to have them
due to my addiction and also a few other mistakes that i made

now almost 3 years since my arrest
i find myself in school
learning living and enjoying every moment of it
i have friends who encourage me to live my life
sure i still frequent hots spots
i do drink and smoke
but drugs?
you've gotta be crazy man
i dont do them no more
even if it were offered to me
i still would not even think of taking it
i have so much to live for now

i am a proud person
but funnily i have never ever had a reason to be proud

until now
I am finally doing something that i can be proud of!
i am studying! and loving it too!
wonders of wonders!

nights are like that for me
i close my eyes and the past just flashes by
reminding me of the mistakes the miss-steps
the consequences and the punishments
sometimes i feel tired
tired that i have taken so long to grow up
sometimes i am weary of this path i have chosen
but i look back at who i was who i now am and what i have accomplished
and i feel contented
contented that i did not end up dying
drowning in my own vomit in a gutter somewhere
or brain dead from an enemy attack or an over-dose of drugs by my own hand
it is then that i realize that all this did not happen by chance or rather by the lack of luck
but by the hand
the hand of god....

That girl

2007-06-25T02:33:00.000+08:00

THAT GIRL

Everybody knows when I step in the club
Girls see me and they wanna show me love
I got my chain on with my shades on
Rockin designer shoes and I sold a million
So many girls but theres one that caught my eye
Pretty lady so fine she blew my mind oh my
Cuz shes the one for me

-Chorus - Frankie J & (Mannie Fresh)-
I've been around the world, and seen so many girls
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(She got a bill and a face like a supermodel)
(And her body built just like a coke bottle)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it snap!)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it bring it back!)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl

I think she knows that im tryin to get at her
I'ma go ahead and try to put in work
What's your name, what's your number, can I hit you up
If you digging what I'm sayin let me know what's up
So baby let me know if I can take you home (take you home)
I just wanna be somewhere where we're alone alone
Cuz you're the one for me

I've been around the world (around the world), and seen so many girls (so many girls)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl
(She got a bill and a face like a supermodel)
(And her body built just like a coke bottle)
But none can compare (none can compare) cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl (shes that girl)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it snap!)
(Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it bring it back!)
But none can compare cuz I can't keep my eyes off that girl

DECISION MAKING

2007-06-24T20:13:00.000+08:00

DECISION MAKING

Times can change a person
i know it
i have seen it happen time and time again
today was on the phone with poh
she really worries about me and the stuff im going through
i know i cant make much of my life
except try to live it the best that i can everyday
and well that just what i wanna say
living in the shadows was cool for awhile
for a teenager on the brink of adulthood
overdosed on re-runs of young and dangerous
and techno beats
living the life of a thug has had its ups
but mostly downs
and many many fond and also repulsive memories
but that is enough
time to move onwards
onwards and upwards to a newer ground

A few weeks ago i was at wisma food junction with poh
her sis and her cousin
there i met by accident a really old friend of mine
his name i shall not reveal
but we all called him xiao boy/ah bei
and he was one of the guys i looked up to
in those dark days
i remember following him to fights|
staging ambushes with him
and yes even a leader's meeting
i'd say that he had the brains of a master commander
keeping his troops happy and united
but this is perhaps another story for another time to reminisce

that day that i saw him at wisma he said to me

"how benny? you changed already not? dont continue to fuck up your life la learn from it"
i guess this is really what i find surprising
amongst us all i least expected him to be the one saying this to me!

But my heart is set in stone already
i want out....
my baby loves me
i dont wanna let her down

THE ONE WHERE I REMEMBER

2007-06-22T00:41:00.000+08:00

THE ONE WHERE I REMEMBER

Times are hard now
a friend called me today and well we chatted about the good old days
days that seem to have vanished already

he offered me a position

something for me to think about
well i did not right out reject his offer
but i said i would consider it

times are changing
i think i should too

my baby's good to me
thats all i need to know

2007-06-18T08:01:00.000+08:00

MUM : you are sick and the room is so bloody cold
son : but the air con is already at 27 degrees
mum : dont lie to me you just adjusted the control to 27, 27 degrees is not this cold!

ya .... i woke up in the morning just specially to adjust the control to piss the fuck out of you

then ....

mum : you think i dont know the night i came back from indonesia your girlfriend was hiding in the room with you
son : she was not! why do you always have to bring this conversation up? you tell me she cant stay so i told her that she cant
stay
mum : you are the one who brought this topic up!

OKOK i admit that i did say somethings that pissed her off alot
but what i say is real

1 she makes me so numb
2 she makes me hate myself
3 she really hates me
4 everything i do is wrong to her
5 she changes topic like water
6 she brought a man back and in front of my dad called him darling
7 she makes me feel like slitting my wrist
8 i dont feel like coming home at night
9 when i look out of my window i feel like jumping
10 she says i hurt her with my words, when she hurts me more
11 she doesnt know what she says but when she says it she is always right

my mother is satan reborn
if my brother sees this post he will hate me but thats what it is really
i came out of prison with a hope of a better life
i am leading this life
i dont take drugs but its as if i am taking them
i feel like prison life is so much better
i dont have to care about all these shit

shit la i dont know what the hell i am writing
i really dont already
she wants to teach me about handling relationships
when she herself cant handle a simple relationship
she just uses people
when she is done with the person she just throws them away
this is well known in the interior furnishings industry
i really cannot take her anymore

i dont know if i will be able to study next term or not at the rate things are going
this maybe my last post .......
i just find it pointless already
how can the world accept a person who's mother cant even accept him?
im just so depressed
she says spending money on me and ian is not worth the while
perhaps it is
this is my promise
if i do get an education from her
i shall pay her back cent for cent
but that is as far as it goes

i know i have not been giving her alot of things

but i guess she is right i am a failure at life
i guess she is right i am a good for nothing son

SO THROW ME THE FUCK OUT COZ FROM THIS DAY FORTH I WILL NOT CARE

day at home

2007-06-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

Spent the day with Baby today
.........
slept from evening right through till 1230 midnight

Bao bao had to cab back to bugis

.....

i have been reduced to being a Pillow
bolster and blanket.......

MSS YA BABE!

My BRO is BACK!!!! SAWADIIIIIIII
my 3 sisters are back too!!!!!!!

welcome back!!!!

SAAAAWWWWWWDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the one where i scream at myself

2007-06-15T00:16:00.000+08:00

THE ONE WHERE I SCREAM AT MYSELF

I cant seem to stop going to the water holes of the rich and snotty these few days
thanks to working with my father
i have managed to develop this sense of loathing
loathing of these people
these people who claim to be the masters
well not with their lips
but rather with their upper class higher up rubbish attitudes
like the fact that i have a lower pay
or that i am dressed in rags rather then draped in LV from head to toe

I SEETH!

VOC

2007-06-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

SO what do ya think???????

VOC

2007-06-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

Need i say more?

VOICE OF COLORS

2007-06-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

VOICE OF COLORS

thanks to my dearest sis CHLO-RIS i now have a name for my company
so now i have something to market it on!
Voice Of Colors will be making its debut soon check it out on my blog
as soon as i finish my portfolio and get my frontpage software
i will get my webpage up and running.
my current portfolio is now on deviant art... if you wanna check it out it is linked on my blog
or you can just go straight to it .... www.benljr.deviantart.com

2007-06-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

HER

I love the was she walks
just seems to float on by
drifting on her feet
graceful
grace like
beauty undefined
by words as coarse as mine
sweet as nectar
make me flush
like sweet wine
drunk on her
her voice lifts me up
her touch sends me to heaven
her scent
ah yes
her seductive scent
leaves me hungry for more
just one taste of her is never enough
even till im drunk on her
its never enough

i love the way her hair falls over her face
framing such angelic features
the was her eyes smile even before her lips do
how her sadness and tears find their way to my heart
i love the way she cradles my arm
clutching to me tightly
and yet gently
a lovers embrace
the way she looks deep into me
pushing my demons aside
the way she sees and accepts who i am
and not who she thinks i should be

her arm in mine i can slay the world
or at least everything thats bad
my heart in hers
i feel safe
never to be hurt again.....

never ever to hurt either.....

HER its HER she's all i ever need.....

2007-06-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

SANCTUARY

Some guys get all the bloody luck
see this image came from SENTOSA'S AMARA HOTEL
i was just there today with pops doing some delivery work.
Its my second or third time there already and let me tell you
its every interior design and architecture's student's wet dream
Honestly i got a proverbial hard on when i saw the way the place was built
old school colonial houses built into the gentle hills
mixed with contemporary furnishings .....
this is what all homes should be like

They have different themes for their accommodations
but i found the courtyard and villa suites most appealing
the picture i took was from one of their villa suites
when you walk into the villa the first thing you will see is the pool
which takes center stage
the living room is on the right hand side
the bed room on the left
behind the bed room is an open air shower and bath facility
the loo is in another room within the bed room
the 2 rooms are fully air-conditioned
the beauty of this place is the privacy!
just imagine what 2 can do with a pool in the middle of the night
or even in midday!
no more uneven tans! no more tan lines!
but there is one slight catch.....
one night costs about 1.2 k
even at a discounted rate it's 750 to 950.....
bummber.....
check it out @

www.amarasanctuary.com

anyone wanna pool money together?

SHACKLES

2007-06-06T16:00:00.000+08:00

SHACKLES

Forget what they told you about prison movies
i find them inspiring
this movie shackles is about a place not unfamiliar to me
a little something like rtc combined with kbc
a youth prison school
but what is the more important thing about this movie
is that it shows how people can change people
how people can inspire
what more it promotes the message that convicts
can and want to change

I guess thats how i am
i really relate to the guys in the film
filled with a rage
an anger that seethes within
not knowing the reason for the rage
a burning desire to cause mental hurt to one's self
i also relate to being in the same pit as they are
one that they long to climb out
one that often they cannot find a way out of
not that they dont want to
but often they are forced to stay there
by the people around them
society treats us different
hell
even our closest will treat us different
strange how they try to "help" us with their words
words that hurt
thick with distrust and a slight tinge of loathing
its words like these that push us over the edge
and back into our histories
......
so love us or hate us
help us or leave us
.........
whatever it is just dont despise us
dont judge
we try
not all of us get by
but we try...
we are humans too....

CATCH SHACKLES...

itsTHE BOMB

2007-06-06T02:16:00.000+08:00

NA NAis a great gal!
thanks to her i got this beautiful new skin!
POH and her have been bugging me for ages to change
my deathly looking skin
so yeah .... ive changed it
well technically not me but nana

TODAY MR RUDDY WAS FEELING DOWN
went out with him
and the gang

i dont understand how CAN HE NOT GET IN TO FILM
is the bloody administrator for film BLOODY BLIND?
i mean he is so darn dedicated to FILM that he makes my
skin curl and itch!
RUDZ is the one most singular person (other than cher)
who damn well deserves to get into this course
why is lasalle so unfair ?
the rest (from my point of view) (excluding cher)
do not have the maturity or the ability to
undertake this educational level
they also dont really have the experience that he holds
so why the HOO HA is RUDDY MY BRO not getting in
should this be a foot ball match i'd hang the REFF
but this is not so i will settle on hanging the teacher (kidding kidding)

OH well hope today we managed to cheer him up a bit

CHANGES
went to have my fortune told on sunday
well how should i put this
there was nothing mildly positive in what she told me at all
i mean had she not been reading my fortune, you'd think
she was cursing me!
. gonna get into accident while crossing the road whilst talking on the phone
( i now keep my phone while crossing / walking alongside the road)
. im too prideful for my own good
( i have stopped saying my catch phrase "ren pa cher hai shi cher pa ren?) (cars should fear people)
. i am an anger crazy time bomb coz of pride
( have tried to stop being angry) (finding the reason why im always angry)
. i am possessed by something ..... coz i drink smoke eat beef
( have cut down on smoking , have yet to drink since portsdown..... and have totally stopped consuming beef)

am i being too superstitious?
oh she also said i was too head strong
now this one is something that i am trying to work on......
hopefully.....

2007-06-05T08:58:00.000+08:00

POH'S BIRTHDAY @ CASH STUDIOS

HEY HEY HEY HEY
WE'RE BACK!!!!!!

I really missed this place
it was where we chilled during those murderous weeks leading
to submission day....

so its kinda cool to be celebrating POH'S birthday here
we had a cake and all
treasure hunting for something right in front of her nose
well actually she already guessed or suspected where the present was
but with me mis-leading her do you think she could have found it
any faster than she would have with me?
any way
ruddy and i got our fair share of pinches and bites
i guess thats a norm when out with the family

its really great to see how close we are to each other
even our lost child NANA returned to us
but of course luh
its her bebe's birthday
how dare she not come....
lol
nana i dont mean that i love u still
lol
and baby you look like a geisha in the pics......

ANOTER MORNING POST

2007-06-05T08:50:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER MORNING POST

> SEVENTEEN:
> YOU LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE
> CONSTANTLY
(i know this is kinda stalkerish but i do it time to time....
Must post comments and testimonials for my baby mah)

>
> SIXTEEN:
> WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE
> AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL
> MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO
> MINUTES AGO.
( this is so true.... i can miss her even before she puts down the phone)

>
> FIFTEEN:
> YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND
> OVER AGAIN.
(erm.... i save them,,,,, well not all of them but a few ....does that count?)

>
> FOURTEEN:
> YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH
> THEM
(i walk like super slowly ,,,, but the cab just came out of no where.... so fast
so i had to walk back to rul's place .......myself........ sob sob)

>
>
> THIRTEEN:
> YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE
> AROUND.
(erm...... reserved?????)

>
>
> ELEVEN:
> WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART
> BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME
> TIME

(mine beats like a techno track.........)

>
> TEN:
> YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.
( i smile when i think of her voice)

>
>
> NINE:
>
> WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE
> THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU
> SEE IS HIM//HER.
(yeah.... i almost banged into a lamp post once.... almost stepped onto a dog...
almost banged into my friend..... ect)

>
> EIGHT:
> YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS,
> WHILE
> THINKING OF THEM
(ha i do this every night)

>
>
> SEVEN:
> THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.
(well........... kinda)

>
> SIX:
> YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.
( OMG THIS IS LIKE SO BLOODY TRUE)

>
> FIVE:
>
> YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS
SMILING
> TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT
THEM.
( dont know really i dont spend my time in front of a mirror all the time)

>
>
> FOUR:
> YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR
> ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.
(im willing to cab there and cab back every day should my wallet allow it)

>
>
>
> THREE:
>
> WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE
> PERSON
> ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...
(damn right she was........ thinking of her right this instant)

>
>
>
> TWO:
> You were so busy thinking about that
> person, you didnt notice number
twelve
> was missing
( shit! was it...... let me check....)

>
>
> ONE:
>
> You just scrolled up to check & are
now
> silently laughing at yourself.
( i am not silently laughing at myself.....
im cursing the stupid fella who cheated my like this)

>

MORNING TEST

2007-06-05T08:32:00.000+08:00

MORNING TEST

IN view of my blog becoming more and more dead i shall just do as nana does
just do some quizzes

here goes

Don't cheat.
It's pretty good.
Write your answers underneath the
question.
The answers are at the bottom, BUT
dont cheat.
Then repost this for others to answer.

1.Your favorite color out of: red,
black, green, blue, yellow?
- BLACK!!!!!!!!
but im not emo

2. Your first initial?
-it depends on which name u wanna call me?
L for Low jian rui my full name
J for Jianrui
B for ben
P for Pui leng
L for Lengs
and of course
R for Rain

3. What month were you born in?
- MAY
REMEMBER I WILL BE EXPECTING PRESENTS

4. Which color do you like more, black
or white?
- BLACK
but im still NOT emo

5. Name one of your friends?
- POHLIN
sorry hor........ haha can only think of her all the time

6. Your favorite number?
- hahahahahahhaha do u need to ask?
369

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
- Flying
i love to fly..... hint hint (poh must kiss me more......*grinz*)

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean
more?
- ocean
more fish to catch more food to eat

9. Think of a wish, but don't write it.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
weird den how to show others what i wished for?

Answers
1. If you choose:
Red- You are alert and your life is
full of love.

Black - You are conservative and
aggressive.
(me??????? conservative????????since when??????)

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you
are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love
kisses and affection from the ones you
love and give good advice to those who
are down.
Yellow - You are a very happy person..

2. If you're initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and
friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the
maximum & your love life is soon to
blossom.
(hmmmmm this looks more true than the previous 2)

S-Z You like to help others and your
future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well
for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally
unexpected.

April-June: You will have a strong
love relationship that will last
forever.
(YEAHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

July-Sept: You will have a great year
and will experience a major life-
changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will be great,
and eventually you will find your soul
mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a
different direction, it will seem hard
at the time but will be the best thing
for you, and you will be glad for the
change.
(OMG.......... hardship again????? its hard already......)

White: You will have a friend who
completely confides in you and would
do anything for you, but you may not
realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.
(best friend girlfriend future **** lol u get the drift.......)

6. This is how many true friends you
have in your lifetime.
(369 friends????? i think i already maxed out the number .... gotta check my hp later)

7. If you choose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.
( theres nothing laid back in driving is all i can say)

8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends
and your lover and yourself are very
reserved and not emotional.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to
please people but have many emotions
( i love to please people? hmmmmm how so? i love to please her.......)

9. This wish will come true only if
you repost this
"Emotion Test. Don't Cheat"
( this is a funny post......... well my wish was for world peace...... no really luh!!!!!!)

THE ONE WITH THE MAD LADY

2007-06-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

THE ONE WITH THE MAD LADY

RINA i could just kill you luh!

Went over to na's place coz she cooked for us
pasta....... dont worry no cheeze today
no vomit either
slacked there till quite late
considering the fact that we reached around 6 plus too
anyway
went to have prata after we left nana's place

met that woman
didnt notice her at first
nana said that she was behind us
preaching?
i mean really luh na
just coz u go to church every sat and sun
dont mean that every time a woman talks to
random starngers she is preaching
lol

then came the thing that na is well known for
the laughter
she laughed and giggled and laughed and well u get the point
until the lady got pissed
she bloody shouted at us
me that is
she directed her anger at me
or at least i think it was me
thanks nana
lol
it was so fun really
getting shouted at for no reason at all

I LOVE POHPOH

--------NUMB-------

2007-05-31T00:55:00.000+08:00

...........I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY............

FUCK THE YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT

i am an ex-convict
i dont deny that
i was imprisoned for drug related offenses
by that i mean i sold and i consumed them
i was arrested and sent to prison for 2 years plus....
i do regret my actions
i mean who wont?
i also regret being dumb enough to get caught.
i mean really. who doesnt ?
there is this saying.....
in singapore you can do anything you want
just dont get caught.
i got caught so there.
i am not proud of it.
who the fuck in his or her right mind would be proud of it?
i just dont hide the fact that i was imprisoned
talk about honesty.
i for one am not the most honest person in the world
you can ask my ex that
but i try to do the right things now and then
just like any normal person would
i do i honestly do
i also dont deny the fact that i was and am still a thug
not that you dont know
i mean if you are reading this then you must be close to me
and if your close to me
then its not a surprise to you
LET ME ASK YOU am i a bad guy?
NO REALLY AM I A BAD GUY?
sure i used to take drugs and fight
sure i had a choice not to
but thats all in the past right?
didnt i pay enough by doing my prison time?
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER QUESTION
have you ever committed a crime in your life?
LIKE DUH RIGHT
every sins now and then
its just a matter of getting caught or not!
like the good man JESUS once said
"LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN THROW THE FIRST ROCK"

SO PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME........

i am trying hard to change
to fit in
so are my brethren
dont make it any harder for us...
why is it that many return to being what they were
its because of society
you dont owe us anything
so we dont expect any help from you
we just want to be treated like humans
not like some kind of outcasts
dont drive us away
we have a right to this world as much as you do
you will never understand us
until someone close to you has become like us

can a GANGSTER have a good heart?
can a person who has not been to prison at all have a black heart?
its hard to say .....
really
i am human too....

...........

2007-05-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

my baby's good to me

--------

2007-05-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

ian's graduation today
wore a polo t to a shirt and tie event...
felt like a bloody odd ball out there
but then again thats the way it should be ma
i AM after all an ARTS student.....
so proud of my brother
all the troubles that we went through as kids
all the fights that we used to have
all the stupid arguments we had
all boil down to this day...
this day that he has done me proud
some may think that him getting a diploma before
me is kinda shameful to me
but i think not
i mean it is if you chose to think that way
but i dont
i feel that it is coz of the many mistakes that i have made in my life
all the stupid things that i have done
the drugs the gangs the bad attitude in school
has led him to chose the right path
this path that has driven him to do well
i am PROUD of him really i am
...........WELL DONE bro....

morning i went to this really rich lady's house
it was HUGE man
and the paintings that she had there were so mind blowing!
but only when viewed piece by piece
when seen together it seemed that they were rather mismatched
lol
rich folk
just wanna show off that they can buy art
so just buy whatever they can lay their hands on
rich what.... so they can just buy luh.....
....
hate these kinds of people....
i feel so so so....... pissed?
art is something to be appreciated
NOT SOMETHING TO BE FLAUNTED LIKE THAT! stupid rich fucks....

........

2007-05-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

am i a bad guy...
prison and all.....

NUMB

2007-05-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

Dear mother you have really made me..........

Numb......

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

fuck you ......... fuck you back

2007-05-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

you dont know what your talking aboout...
you say that i do things badly?
well dont you think you do to?
bringing a guy back when he's still at home?
huh...
wtf right.
theres so many bloody problems that you dont know about
that u just assume never happened
you think i live a great happy life
fuck.
you know nuts about me
though your my mother
how much do you know about me huh
how much really do you know
im a stranger in your house now
just a stranger
...........
an unneeded stranger
i dont belong here
i know i dont belong here
emo my arse this is out right serious shit man
im not kidding im not being emo here
im a stranger in my own bloody house
maybe its not my house really
but yeah
this is not my home ..... its just a fucking house
4 walls and a roof over my head
thats all it will ever be.....
whats not here....
dont know dont fucking care any more.....

--------

2007-05-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

FULL FULL FULL FULL
thanks cher for the dinner.....

=======

2007-05-17T10:44:00.000+08:00

Work hard play hard.....
i fucking intend to ....
this is a killer week
my back aches
my FINGERS ache!!!!....
but today will make up for it all
meeting my "family" today....
Cher mei is going to get her fortune told...
the rest of us are just gonna tag along
perhaps after that we'll go for dinner....
cant wait...

Dear one you've been gone a long time now
the leaves settle on your ashes
the morning dew damps your tomb
like the tears that fell the day you left me
from my eyes
like the feeling of forever dusk
never reaching the dawn
the darkness has faded
but not the fear
the feeling of not having you around
inside me there grows a strange confidence
could it be you inside giving me faith?
my heart it warms at this thought
a smile on my face corrects the frown
my steps steady from my stumble
now everything will be fine
in my life of eternal dawn........

--------------

2007-05-11T03:47:00.000+08:00

read a blog lately
quite interesting
very similiar to my life....
wonder how it turns out
am i the bad guy
some people seem to think not
well what i can say is that it takes 2 hands to clap
whats over is over
time to move on and be happy
cryin is no use pointless
......
life is important...
live it to the fullest
........
FREEDOM is worth everything
freedom of heart freedom of mind...

THE THING ABOUT BENGS

2007-05-10T02:57:00.000+08:00

THE THING ABOUT BENGS

Who are you i ask
who are you really?
I always direct this question to the younger generation of bengs
i mean who ARE they really?
where were they when the street fights were frequent
where the heros of yester-years were fighting for their lives and reps?
i mean im no hero of that sort
but i know enough to tell you that true thugs dont do the things that young thugs do now
when you enter a S.S there are rules that you have to follow
respect that you have to give
rules like never sleep with your brother's wife
or betray not those who are with you and against you
but is seems like these values are no longer needed in the new generation
we the past have become nothing more than a formality
i grew up old school.
i guess thats why im feeling so blue about this now
but now that i look at what the gang has become.
i no longer want a part of it....

freedom

2007-05-10T02:38:00.000+08:00

a taste of it as we walked by the river
a smell so captivating it stole my breath away
a sight so lovely that it took my heart
oh what it must be
can not ye tell just by sight
can ye not guess what runs through minds
what must be said about it is that it is good
something that is free must be freely returned
like a bad story turned good
or a good movie turned better
the taste of it just leaves me lusting for more
time is time
as time will always be time
never enough as we crave for more of it
just simple things that we hope will last for eternity
time is as time will ever always be
never enough for us to grasps
never enough for hearts to bond
though the best is made use of
it still never is enough
never does it seem to be
enough

HELLO2

2007-05-07T16:26:00.002+08:00

BTW life is great.....
lol

HELLO

2007-05-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

Spent a bomb on the class chalet
and so few turned up
one even had the audacity to say that she was not interested????
oh please luh we just asked you for the sake of asking only....being polite you know......BITCH.....
who do you think you are?> FERGIE or something??? oh puh----lease......
if she is the dutchess then you're her stools(shit) or perhaps not even there...
come on to say that u are a bitch degrades bitches!!!!! so i take that back.....

_____________

2007-04-30T04:10:00.000+08:00

Life is so bloody complicated
the most obvious things are usually so hard to do
why?
parting might be the answer and yet it dosent seem to be so
do one and regret
do another and still its wrong
both wrong and right
making things better is really a naive thing to say dont you think?
there is no sharing of the blame
there is no such thing
there is nothing we can do except accept and live on
who we are is just that
who we are
there are things that we can change and things that are just in-built
i dont know what things are this way
they just are
i mean its not that i am a complicated person
far from that
i am the most fucking simple person in the whole fucking lasalle
as DALLIAH once said..... im just too fucking literal
dont you think so?
loyalty is important
honor:?
voicing out
am i prideful?
over confident?
love fights (fist)
i love to enjoy the good fucking life
clubs ktv night time outings ect...
am i that much different?
am i wrong to have a taste a lusting for the things that i had missed during those years?
am i evil
i dont know
.............
as i once wrote
heaven wont accept me coz im bad
hell wont take me coz the devil's afraid of me taking over
so watch out afterworld coz here the fuck i come
a sword in one hand fire in the other

heard a story today......
all i can say is jurong allan watch out u pussy
come east side and ill kill ya......

-----------

2007-04-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

you see i was just doing my thing lately
and this idea hit me

na.....
acutally
i have not idea what i am doing

BOOOOOOO

scared ya didnt i

2007-04-28T01:54:00.001+08:00

Chains
chains
chains
tying me up
chains
chains
chains
are they enough
they are so much fimiliar
they so much more than freedom
but that does not mean that they are right
they does not mean it is meant to be
chains
chains
chains
binding me
tainting me
changing me

SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

2007-04-22T23:10:00.001+08:00

SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK

2007-04-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

SLEEPLESS IN SINGAPORE

2007-04-21T02:05:00.000+08:00

SLEEPLESS IN SINGAPORE

cant get to sleep though i am sick
cant get to sleep because of some comments got me thinking
i AM a bad guy perhaps

Empty within the knocks upon his heat echos into eternity
the beats heard arnt his heat's work
but the echos of distance
she longs for the silence to end
yet she pulls away
shuns what seems right
choosing only to see illusions
chasing smoke only to be mis-lead

SICK IS AS SICK DOES

2007-04-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

SICK IS AS SICK DOES

Went to Fi's today got some stuff done there
and at the beach....
headed back to rul's place to get our stuff and take some pics of the
3d project
my day is burned
thought i could do some work tonight
but im fucked sick
nose blocked
eyes red and tearing
perhaps im missing my home....
my true home....
lol
BULLSHIT
im sick till im talking crap....
Bed-time.....
life sucks when you are sick....
FARK

2007-04-18T02:08:00.000+08:00

GOTHIC

reach to me and i will set you free
he says as his tears begin to fall
how can you say that from high upon that cross
his legs weary
his arms sore still
bleeding from the nail wounds on his hands and feet
the stigma of bearing truth into the world

mocking him a serpent on the ground
slithers its way towards him
on its belly
anger it feels
as it draws closer to
curse me i shall taint you as i have tainted your kin
the serpent thinks

the man is silent
he remains that way
given his life for the world
yet it slays him
like a dog in the streets
laid to bare
for millions to see
what did he die for
why
.....

THE SADNESS

2007-04-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

THE SADNESS

People change as i have said before
in this case a close friend
he was the best thing that ever happened to me in KBC
though he was not from my group
he showed me the ropes to kbc life
he thought me the rules the dos and do-nots
where and how to avoid detection while doing exercises in the bunk room
he even thought me accounts lessons !!!!!
under his tutorlage i scored A in most of my tests!
but now......
now
that person is gone.........
caught in the web that gangsters spin for themselves
unable to move further from where he now stands.............
future is ruined just for that....
my poor poor friend
what will become of you now
my heartaches at your loss of yourself
i cant believe that this could happen to you
you who thought me the value of christ in oneself
you who was the joker of the bunk
one who seemed to treasure life more than anyone else that i have ever known

i go now to meet you
on this day....
your birthday or perhaps its an earlier celebration of it.......
sad to say....
my heartaches friend.....
my heartaches...

To leave or not to leave

2007-04-14T05:25:00.000+08:00

TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE THAT IS THE QUESTION

I've been with this group for ages it's become very much like a family to me. . . So much so that cannot see myself functioning without it. . . It was my life. . . It in some way still is . . . I just cannot see myself functioning without it. . . Those that know me well know that all that i am now is because of the road that i have walked. The bad and the good that i have gone through. . . In some way have made me who i am. . . Honor loyalty brotherhood the things i live for. Now they ask me if i am with them. They demand that i return to their ranks officially when they themselves have no right to do so . Being that they betrayed our rules themselves. . . My life is my shirt. . . But how am i to treasure that if it is not treasured by those who ask me to treasure it? I feel like i have been living a lie. Till this day i dream of the good old days. . When i think of this i really feel like shit . . . . My whole life is a lie. . . Who am i and what have i lived for. Where are the heroes of yesteryears. . . . . .

Hate me now

2007-04-13T02:56:00.000+08:00

Hate me now. . . Hate me forever hate me for all the things that i have done wrong. . . . . Lately i've been feeling this sense of uselessness. . . It's as if the world has become much colder. Meaningless existance my bane . A life that i had longed for no longer means as much as it meant to me . . . . . The deeper i think into things the more i come to understand myself. . The more i come to understand myself the more i fear myself. . . Not the fear of what i might be or what i have been. But rather of who i am now. Living in this life that i loath. Where am i now. . . . I wonder to myself. . . . Questions that never seem to be answered. . . A deep sense of loathing i feel now. Maybe i should just take my life now. . End it once and for all. . . Underneath my smiles i cry. . . . Can somebody hear me? Or is this just like prison. . . People people all around but not a soul to share with

THE ONE WHERE IM SUPER PISSED OFF

2007-04-11T18:57:00.000+08:00

THE ONE WHERE IM SUPER PISSED OFF

i dont know what you want with me already

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ya perhaps i'm not a good boyfriend
but you know this by now.....

i cant read your mind

i cant do all the things that HE does

"i'm very disappointed in you" you said in an sms

i'm doing my work and your giving me all this negative comments
i told you im leaving around 7
and yet u still expect me to meet you?
you know that if i have the time i will meet you
what do you need me to do?
spell it out to you.....
do you think i can do that?
do you really?

i need to tell you
this choice that i made i stick to it no matter what
but how come it seems like you just cant forget what happened?

IF I TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU THEN I DO

is there anything else you want?
perhaps for me to quit school for u
perhaps to just fuck everything else for you?

in the past maybe i could do that

BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT I WANT
AND I WANT TO DO IT

YOU know how much school means to me
these few days are gonna be very hard on us
i know that and you know that
i warned you already

PLEASE SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME....
how am supposed to get work done when im in such a mood?

DIRT TIRED

2007-04-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

THE ONE WHEN WE JUST CAME BACK FROM WORK

Cher's studio was THE BOMB!!!!

Got tons of work done....
tons more tooo....

it was so great that we decided on going back tomorrow
going back to more work...
its so motivational there
i finished like 3 drawings in the first day
3 more mini stuff in my sketch book
planned the external projects and internal ones too
got my clay done....

wow

it was so beautiful there....
the evening and morning jogs there was really......
theres just no words to describe it....
i'll take a picture or two the next time round,,,,,